Before His Last Candle Was Blown Out...

I loved having my baby in September.

I loved the cooler air, the hint of change in the leaves, the promise of winter when we could snuggle up for months in each other's arms.

I loved having my baby in September.

But now, everything has changed.

Now September brings with it a collision of emotions. It sweeps in with a hint of anxiety and broken promises. In this month I must endure every adorable back to school photo... except his. I must plan a birthday celebration that won't include him in a single photo enjoying it all. And the winter ahead leaves my bones aching to have him back in my arms.

I don't like September as much anymore. 

September is not an easy month for me. But I will always honor the promises I made to him before his last candle was blown out. Lying next to him in the dark of night, I vowed to always celebrate the life I was given with him. I vowed to celebrate him on September 29th - and every day. I promised that his brother and sister would see his light in my eyes whenever I talked about him. 

And I promised that I would not allow myself to stay stuck in the hell of Summer - or the cold of Winter. After all, I loved having my baby in September. And if I let myself, I can feel him in every cool breeze... and see his beautiful life painted in the unique and ever changing colors of Fall.

I will keep my promises, Gavin.

Always.