Dear You, When It Comes to Professionals...

I felt blindsided when Gavin was born. 

Not the "I expected a girl and got a boy" kind of blindsided.  Or the "I planned for a natural birth and had a C-Section" kind, either.  I felt blindsided because I realized rather quickly that I was out of my league.  With my own child.  He had so many issues and I had to rely on nurses in the NICU, doctors attempting to diagnose him and well meaning social workers trying to make things right in my world.

I needed all of them.

I hated all of them.

In the beginning, I expected so much from these professionals.  I hung onto every word - and then resented their every breath.  

Dear you,

I know what you mean about expecting people... expecting anyone!... to say the right things.  But I have bad news for you.  They never will.  Just like I said in my "about those friends" letter, no one will ever know exactly what you need.  You can tell your close friends and family, but you can't really do that with professionals.  You can tell your Mom or your sister or your friend, "Listen, it would really help me, emotionally, if you didn't say 'Wow - your life really sucks.' every time I tell you something about the baby's issues.  But you can't really say to a professional, "Listen, Doc. Can you hold my hand while you break more bad news to me about my child?"

But.  There are some things you CAN do.

When Gavin was an infant and I had to bring him to the pediatrician for developmental visits, the nurse would always run down her "typical" checklist.  "Is he holding a rattle?"  no.  "Is he making eye contact?" no.  "Is he sleeping?" no.  I would leave there in tears every time thinking, WHAT THE HELL??  Why would they ask me these things knowing that my child can only lay there and is CLEARLY not following the "developmental checklist."  I felt so defeated - and so hopeless about Gavin's bleak future. But they didn't know  - they were only doing what they were used to.  I know they didn't intend to crush my spirit or hurt my feelings, so it was hard to be upset with them.   So I took control. I brought in a typed up sheet for each visit listing "All The Things Gavin CAN Do" and asked them not to go through the checklist with me anymore.  They were so relieved - they had always felt awful asking me those questions.

For the rest of your life with your child, you will encounter lots of professionals with lots of advice and opinions.  I have a great, great respect for people who devote their life to helping our special kids.  Whether they are doctors, therapists of any kind, psychologists, teachers, personal aides or nurses.  I come from a place of trust - so I always assume that professionals come from a place of compassion and are well meaning.

That being said... you will need to get used to hearing things you don't like.  Getting advice that doesn't fit.  Hearing statements that rub you the wrong way.  Getting a suggestion that seems ridiculous.  Or  feeling offended or judged.  "How could that happen??" you may ask.  "Why would she say that?" you might wonder.  "Who does he think he is?" you might shout.  Here is the secret: they are human.

You'll encounter professionals that give you advice based on what they've learned from books. Or, very often people will bring what worked well with one family and assume it should work well with yours.  It's hard, but you have to imagine a filter in your brain and heart.  Take everything in with some nodding and smiling - keep what you can use - and disregard the rest.  I think most of the time people's intentions are good and they are trying to help, even if they're not helping at all.  Just appreciate their efforts internally and let go what pisses you off.  It will only hurt you if you hold anything against a professional (or anyone, really!) who isn't involved in your every day life.

It's critical to follow your gut.  The doctor treating your child isn't communicating well with you?  Find another.  Your child cries and cries when one particular therapist comes to the house - but doesn't cry for any of the others?  Find another.  The social worker assigned to help you isn't really helping you at all?  It really is okay to find another.  The worst thing you can do is to internalize things that people say or do.  And I think your biggest downfall in getting used to having a child with special needs will be expecting people to make it better with their words or actions.  They will fail you every time.  YOU have the power to change your perspective and your feelings - and YOU have what it takes already to know what is best for child.  It may not feel that way, but it's true!!  

The other day, a friend posted this quote on Facebook and I felt it really summed up my philosophy:

“If you don’t have garbage, you have nothing to use to make compost. And if you have no compost, you have nothing to nourish the flower within you. You need the suffering and afflictions in you. Since these feelings are organic, you can transform them and make good use of them.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Having a child with special needs is not easy.  No one will every say that it is.  And you will have feelings of anger, resentment, grief and sorrow many times along the way.  Don't stay there.  Use those feelings to empower yourself into action.  The more positive YOU are about your child's possibilities... your child's future... your child's daily life... the more positive OTHERS will be, too.  I promise you this is true.  Take this blog for example.  I can make a fuss over something simple like this photo which, to any outsider would not be a big deal.  But because of this community I've created, everyone knows that this photo is a dream come true for our little family.  Seeing my two sons holding hands and walking together?  There's nothing like it.  And because I shared, people can celebrate that moment with me.  I can assure you - feeling the excitement of people over this photo empowered me as Gavin's Mommy.

And because I have created a space where Gavin (and Brian!) are celebrated and lifted up and encouraged on a daily basis, people want to join in and participate!  People love to be a part of positivity.  Create it - and you will attract it.  You'll see.  And you'll see a difference in your child, most importantly.  

Positive energy is contagious.

The professionals that will come into your life are people first.  Make sure they know your child.  Not just know the diagnosis or the features or the medical conditions.  Make sure they know your child.  Get them excited to see your child.  Include them in your child's great accomplishments so they feel like they are part of this great ride into the future.  

Just don't expect them to make it better for you.  Truly, the only person that can make anything better for you... is you.

With every good wish for a positive future, 

me.

Our Sweet Star...

Brian is the "Star of the Week" at school this week!  He's a star every day of the week around here... but this week he gets extra appreciation at school.  Today he got to bring in one of his favorite books to share with his class...

This Sammy The Seal book was mine when I was little, so it was extra special to me that he shared it with his friends today!

Gavin and Brian love books.  LOVE them.  And thanks to a long time reader, adopted Grandmother and retired schoolteacher... our wonderful Miss Barb... we have years worth of books.  Four bookshelves filled... and boxes and boxes of extra so we can keep switching them up to keep things interesting.  Miss Barb was looking for a home for her huge collection... and we were the VERY lucky and VERY grateful recipients!  Books are treated like gold in our house.

Brian has been "reading" to us lately which I love.  He tries to remember the story - or he'll make up his own.

 I especially love when he "reads" to Gavin.  They love hanging out together in the new "book nook" I set up.

I love when Brian does anything with Gavin.  It warms my heart when he tries to play with his big brother or engage him in any way.  But it means even more to me when Gavin sticks around and enjoys his brother!  Sometimes Brian is just too much - too loud - too "in Gavin's face" - and he crawls away as fast as possible.

The  mornings have been very cold here and we all bundle up and wait in the garage for the bus to come for Gavin and Miss Sara.  Gavin isn't keen on keeping mittens on, so after he is bundled in his coat and hat I wrap one of Ed's fleece jackets around him and tie the arms behind his chair.  

Brian is our entertainment in the morning and keeps warm by running around like he's on fire.

This morning Brian wanted to help push Gavin onto the wheelchair lift which just about made me cry.

I've been told that Brian is very sweet in school and helpful when some of his friends need assistance.  I hope this never changes.  I hope that having Gavin as a brother has already influenced him in the best and most empathetic ways possible.

My little star with a heart the size of his Daddy's.

Speaking of which...how handsome is Daddy in his new headshot for work?  

I love my little family.

**Please take a moment to vote for my "Share Your Heart" entry on CaringBridge!  I need about 200 votes to catch up to the current lead.  If each of you who reads this blog votes, I may pull it off!  The winner with the most votes by March 6th wins two iPads!  I'm hoping to win so I can give one away to one of YOU on this blog!**

  Click this sentence and vote for "Love Bombing"

Fascinating Discovery...

I mentioned in yesterday's post that I had contacted a "Medical Intuitive" named Anthony Williams. Basically, he's  a psychic who can tell you what's wrong with you. We wanted to see if he had any insight into what might be going on with Gavin. I'll admit that Ed and I are open to these types of things.  Sure, there are some quacks out there - "Boardwalk Psychics" and people who take your money - but there are also people who really have a special gift.  Not knowing which one we'd encounter yesterday - we really took a chance.  A $350 an hour chance.  We figured we had nothing to lose...except $350.

(Please read this post for an update in 2016 BEFORE contacting him!!)

Anthony Williams told me that he believed Mercury was Gavin's issue.  And mine, too.  That I passed on a mercury sensitivity - along with actual mercury - to him in utero.  That it caused neurological damage and even explained his features, or birth defects.  He told me his suggestions for supplements that I could give Gavin to help eliminate the Mercury slowly and safely from his system and he really thought we'd see great improvement from Gavin rather quickly.

I wasn't a total disbeliever yesterday.  But I wasn't sure I was totally "sold" on the idea.  I would definitely say I was intrigued.  The way I saw it, giving Gavin supplements and making small changes in his diet couldn't hurt him.  And I knew my next step would be to consult Dr. Kang, our acupuncturist immediately.  She has successfully tested the boys for allergies before and has not only been 100% accurate with her non-invasive muscle testing... but she helped me to ELIMINATE Brian's peanut allergy.  (Much to the shock of his traditional allergist)

After school today, Gavin and I headed to see Dr. Kang.  I explained the entire situation to her.  The blog competition - the influx of traffic - the tons of suggestions and referrals - the "medical medium" - and the mercury theory.  She seemed a little bit skeptical of the medium, but agreed to test both Gavin and me for mercury.  Sure enough - Gavin and I both tested for mercury.  First she had me hold a vial representing mercury in one hand while I held my opposite arm straight out in the air.  She pushed down on my arm with all her strength and asked me to try to keep my arm in the air.  I could barely keep my arm up.  Then, still holding the vial, I had to hold Gavin's hand.  She would test him using me as a surrogate.  This time, I had ZERO strength when she pushed down on my arm.  Looks like Gavin has it worse than I do - the mercury has to go.  Dr. Kang told me to get both of our blood drawn to test the mercury levels, so I'm looking into the best ways to do that.

Is this it?  Could this be the "diagnosis" I've been searching for?  I really don't know.  Ed and I are both on board with working to remove the mercury from my body AND Gavin's and see what happens - knowing it can't hurt.  In the meantime, however, I will still pursue other avenues and genetic testing.  It's very possible that Gavin has a mercury issue and a genetic disorder on top of it.

I've already started Gavin on the supplements today!  Anthony recommended that he take the following:

Liquid B12 - He told me that Gavin uses up more B12 in his nervous system because he has to work much harder than we do.

Liquid Zinc - This will support his endocrine system and boost immunity.

Hawaiin Spirulina Powder - This is to support his brain and nervous system.

Liquid Ginkgo Leaf - Not as a "memory booster"... but to support his neurological system.

Melatonin.  We have been giving him Melatonin routinely at night for the last two or so years and had no idea it had other benefits besides to help him fall asleep!  Gavin really needed assistance - otherwise, he'd be up every night playing in his bed until midnight!  Anthony said that Melatonin acts like an anti inflammatory agent in the brain.  It also helps repair nerve damage and electrical impulse issues.  I feel good that we might have been "helping" him without even knowing it!  Gavin also had a head start with nutrition thanks to Dr. Coralee Thompson.  I consulted with her when Gavin was a baby and she designed an entire nutrition and health program that he follows to this day.  She ended up writing a fabulous book that I highly recommend - "Healthy Brains, Healthy Children" - whether your child has issues or not!

As for his diet, Anthony simply suggested decreasing the fat somewhat and increasing sugar.  He told me that Gavin needs ten times the amount of sugar (natural sugar - not candy or juice) than 'normal.'  He expends more energy to do things and overworking his electrical impulses.  We generally add butter to every pureed meal he has - so we will just substitute that with applesauce.  He also told us to increase his fruit intake in general and to add cilantro to his veggie stew.

I've added "Zeolite" to my regimen.  I took the first dose this morning and - holy cow.  Let's just say it has already started to work.  Trust me.  You don't want to know the gory details.

These are all very easy things!  I'm really excited to see how Gavin progresses over the next few months.  I hope you are, too!

Over the weekend, Gavin shocked us by deciding to walk more than he ever has.  He was even turning himself around on his own to walk in a different direction!  I was too busy hovering over him to grab a video, so Miss Sara took one for me today.  Check out these two videos...and prepare to be amazed.

If Gavin is making this much progress now... can you even imagine what's ahead a few months from now?  I can't wait!

In other news... Brian has been kicked out of school!!

He has been attending a pre-school for help with his speech delay since January of last year.  He really loves it there - and we love his teachers, his speech therapist and his little friends.  But he really hasn't "needed" the extra help for quite some time, so the news didn't come as a shock to me.  I'm so grateful to his teacher, Miss Laura, and his speech therapist, Miss Maggie, for how hard they worked with and cared for him.  I'm currently "pre-school" shopping if anyone in the area has any suggestions or referrals!

I have a feeling before you know it Brian will be reading to Gavin... and Gavin will be complaining that he wanted a different book... and soon I'll be telling the boys to stop fighting with each other and to "keep it down"... and all my dreams will have come true in a big happy ending with a bow on top.

Thank You...

Today is the last day to vote in the Parents Magazine Blog Competition...up until midnight tonight... and I have to say, I'm relieved.  I am tired.  I am grateful.  I am glad that it is over.  And I am proud that I accomplished what I set out to do - bring as many eyes and smart minds and tender hearts here to try to help Gavin.

My writing has always been about Gavin.  To be honest, I often feel that my life's purpose has always been about Gavin.  I was sent here - and he was sent to me - so we could heal each other.  And we will. And maybe in the process we will help heal others, too.  

There's something about this little boy with the sweet smile and the fierce determination that has captured more than just his family's hearts.  I feel honored to share Gavin with the world.  And I truly mean the world.  Here are some of the countries you all visit us from...

Having all of you here means more than just a rising visit counter and collecting flags.  It means I learn from other parents who have travelled this road... I learn from medical professionals with advice to share... and, most importantly, I am reminded that I'm not alone.  Having a special needs child can be quite isolating.  You all have been the greatest company - whether you've been here over the last five years or just the last five days.  

The added exposure here has gifted me with new friends, wonderful suggestions, interesting referrals and a list of different syndromes and disorders to present to Gavin's medical team.  One of the referrals was to a medical intuitive, Anthony Williams.  I just finished an hour consultation with him and it was fascinating.  (Please read THIS UPDATE before you consider contacting Anthony Williams!!! A LOT has changed since I wrote this post) He is sure that I have high levels of mercury in my body - and that I am highly sensitive to mercury, which is causing my medical issues.  He also said that the majority of my miscarriages (I've lost 9 babies to date to miscarriage) were due to mercury toxicity. (Darcy's death - my 10th loss - was a true cord accident) This makes sense to me.  In my twenties I was very sick and no one knew what was wrong with me.  I was so weak that at one point I had a short stint in a wheelchair.  Luckily, we have a family dentist who has a holistic approach and he insisted that my mercury fillings needed to come out.  Out they came - and sure enough I quickly got better.  Anthony Williams thinks that Gavin has the same sensitivity as I do - and suffered from mercury poisoning in utero.  He told me that it can cause birth defects and neurological issues and it's not something that would show up in chromosome testing and we never thought to test it through blood work before.  There are supplements I can start adding to Gavin's diet (and mine) to start pulling the mercury out of his system - and won't harm him in any way in the process.  He sees Gavin making tremendous progress... walking and talking and eating... and living a long life.  The way I see it, working on removing mercury from our systems is something we can easily do while we continue our conventional quest as well.  It can't hurt!  I will be calling Dr. Kang, our wonderful acupuncturist, tomorrow.  I bet she'll be able to muscle test Gavin and me for mercury - and maybe she can help us with balancing our bodies and removing it at the same time!

I am so grateful for all the love and support that has come my way because of (and before) this competition.  And I'm grateful to those who voted - some every single day!  I know how busy life is so thinking of you taking the time to click into a site and vote for this blog - it's humbling.  Thank you.

And I want to thank the editors of Parents Magazine.  Thank you for choosing me... the girl who uses "..." and exclamation points entirely too much.  The girl who pours out her soul and overshares on a regular basis.  The girl who used your competition to expose her son's medical mystery to the world without having him sign a HIPPA form.  The girl who tweeted Snooki to "Vote for Chasing Rainbows."  (I'm sad to report she never tweeted me back.)

I am grateful for the validation that you gave me along with the nomination.  Validation that I should keep on doing what I'm doing.  That I should keep on working hard to help my children be the best that they can be using any means possible.  Readers may reach for tissues when they come to this site... 

...but you should all know that the Leong family is reaching for the stars.

 

Calling All Genetic Junkies!...

I am overwhelmed with gratitude at the outpouring of love after yesterday's post, Platform. People have shared it and then those people have shared it and then those people have shared it...and on and on, creating one big circle of love around our family.  I wish all of you could see the comments on my Facebook page, on others Facebook pages, in my email, on Twitter... it would restore your faith in humanity.  I received advice, suggestions, referrals, ideas, thoughts... and just plain love and support... from all over the world.

Gavin's genetic journey has been a long and winding road.  When he was an infant, I spent a few months living in the hospital by his bed.  He was very sick with RSV and Botulism and was either lying lifeless in bed or screaming in pain.  It was then that I started googling and researching diseases, syndromes and disorders and bringing them to his Geneticists attention.  One of the first things I brought up was Mitochondrial Disease.  It has been brought up a few times since, and over and over I've been told it doesn't fit Gavin.  It's ironic that many, many people suggested Mitochondrial Disease after yesterday's post.  Even perfect strangers who came to my blog for the very first time.  

Today I set up a phone meeting with the genetic counselor at the hospital.  We spoke for an hour and went through everything that Gavin's been tested for, which is listed below.  I will also create a permanent tab at the top of the blog to have this information (and any new additions along the way) always handy.

When we got to the testing we did that supposedly "ruled out" Mito, there was a pause.  Apparently, there was part of the test that could have been seen as a red flag.  I have decided to make an appointment at a different hospital with a Mitochondrial Disease expert.  Hopefully they'll be able to fit us in soon so we can receive some guidance.  Gavin has never had a muscle biopsy, mostly because he is very challenging to sedate.  The last time he underwent sedation was for ear tube placement and adenoid removal and he ended up on BiPap in the PICU for six days.  So if we can rule anything out with blood or urine, we do.  And that's what happened with the Mito - we thought if certain things were elevated in blood or urine, they would lead us to pursue it further.  And we were led to believe it wasn't worth pursuing at the time.

Most recently, Gavin had Exome Sequencing through Baylor University.  It came back saying that he could possibly have Congenital Merosin Deficient Muscular Dystrophy, but that was ruled out by Carsten Bonnemann from the NIH.  He did not have Whole Exome Sequencing done.  I was told that it is not typically used in the clinical setting.  That the results are usually very detailed and overwhelming and hard to decipher.

The information below is overwhelming.  Unfortunately, I've become quite the "genetic junkie" myself over the years.  It's not rare for Gavin's geneticist to open an email from me that I sent at 2am after being up researching a possible syndrome. Thank you in advance for taking a look at this and passing it on to anyone you think might have some ideas or input.  And don't forget, you can continue to vote in the Parents Magazine Blog Competition once a day until Sunday at midnight!  

This is a list of the syndromes, diseases and disorders that I researched and presented as possibilities to Gavin's geneticist.  They were either ruled out through testing or I was told none of them were possibilities.

Pitt Hopkins Syndrome

Congenital Lyme

FG Syndrome

Partial Trisomy

Wolf-Hirschhorn

Cardio-Facio-Cutaneous Syndrome

SeSame Syndrome

Russell-Silver Syndrome

Congenital Hypomyelination Neuropathy

Multiple Sclerosis

Cystic Fibrosis

Mitochondrial Disease (I've been asking about this since he was 5 months old)

Pendred Syndrome

Williams Syndrome

Below is the list that Gavin's geneticist generously typed up for me of all the testing he's had done:

According to notes from Birth Hospital: A karyotype was normal and DNA methylation to rule out Prader-Willi syndrome was negative.

2/15/2008: CJB2 (Connexin 26) heterozygous mutation c.109G>A; p.Val37Ile

2/21/2008: Signature Chip BAC Array: normal

1/28/2008 Plasma Total Lipids Very Long Chain Acids and Branched Chain Fatty Acids (screening for Peroxisomal disorders): normal

7/6/2011 Chromosome microarray through LabCorp (specifically a SNP array; results are from build 36):879 KB INTERSTITIAL DELETION OF 3P12.1->P12.1 INTERPRETATION: POSSIBLE FAMILIAL VARIANT

arr 3p12.1(85,927,122-86,806,315)x1"The whole genome chromosome SNP/CN microarray (CSM) copy
number analysis revealed an interstitial deletion of the
chromosomal segment listed below. This interval includes 1
OMIM annotated gene* (CADM2) and minimal known copy number
variant overlap.
At this time, no clinically established disorders have
been reported with imbalance in this region, although this
could change as studies progress."

Addendum: Inherited from parent 

8/29/2011: MED12 analysis (mutations in this gene are associated with FG syndrome): No mutations detected in exons 1-45 of the MED12 gene

10/11/2012: Creatine Kinase, Total, Serum 193 [normal is between: 24 - 204 U/L] 

10/22/12 Plasma Amino Acid analysis: slight elevations of leucine and valine. "Not suggestive of a specific aminoaciodopathy. Could be due to normal metabolism, patient diet, or treatment."

10/22/12 Urine Organic Acid Analysis: URINE ORGANIC ACID ANALYSIS OF THIS SPECIMEN REVEALED ELEVATIONS OF
GLUTARATE AND MEDIUM CHAIN DICARBOXYLIC ACIDS (ADIPATE, SUBERATE AND
SEBACATE).
THIS PROFILE MAY BE SECONDARY TO DIET (FOR EXAMPLE, FORMULA). HOWEVER, ELEVATIONS OF MEDIUM CHAIN DICARBOXYLATES CAN BE ASSOCIATED WITH FATTY ACID OXIDATION DISORDERS (FAOD) AND WITH DEFECTS OF THE MITOCHONDRIAL RESPIRATORY CHAIN. HOWEVER, NO OTHER ABNORMALITIES SUGGESTIVE OF A FAOD WERE DETECTED IN THIS SPECIMEN, MAKING A DIAGNOSIS OF A FAOD LESS LIKELY. PLEASE NOTE THIS SPECIMEN WAS DILUTE, THEREFORE ANALYSIS MAY FAIL TO DETECT CERTAIN DISORDERS WHICH ARE CHARACTERIZED BY MINIMAL METABOLITE EXCRETION.
IF CLINICALLY INDICATED, CONSIDER A REPEAT ANALYSIS OF URINE ORGANIC
ACIDS TO DETERMINE IF THESE ELEVATIONS PERSIST, AND CORRELATIONS
WITH LACTATE AND PYRUVATE LEVELS AND PLASMA ACYLCARNITINE ANALYSIS.

10/22/12: Plasma Lactic Acid 15.5 (Normal is between 4.5 - 19.8 mg/dL)

Whole Exome Sequencing did not detect a specific underlying diagnosis

This is a list of Gavin's features:

Gavin was a diamniotic/dichorionic twin gestation with one twin lost at 13 weeks

Cerebral ventriculomegaly (enlarged ventricles) noted during 2nd trimester

Born by C-Section at 37 weeks, breech, transverse lie, head was tightly wedged; circumvallate placenta with partial cord avulsion noted during delivery of placenta.

Apgars:  1 at 1 minute and 8 at 5 minutes

Born with blonde hair and blue eyes (with a Chinese father and a caucasian mother)

Eye color just recently changed to hazel/brown at 4 years old!

congenital ptosis

high arched palate 

sparse eyebrows

elongated philtrum 

epicanthal folds (but note that he is half chinese)

broad thumbs and toes

hypoplastic thumbs

tracheomalacia

he was born with sensorineural hearing loss in both ears (which has since been miraculously restored. seriously)

blonde hair (prompted prader willi which was negative)

high forehead

flat nasal bridge

simple ears with the left one minimally overfolded

extremely flexible joints

single palmar creases bilaterally

slightly hypoplastic distal flexion creases on 3rd and 4th fingers bilaterally, relatively tapered fingers

failure to thrive

esophageal reflux (severe) as an infant

mild, intermittent asthma

cerebral palsy

low tone

non verbal

flat feet

developmental delay

Whew!

If anything, I hope you leave here with a greater appreciation of how far Gavin has come despite all the obstacles thrown in his way.

Platform...

There's not much I wouldn't do for my children.  Gavin in particular who, let's face it, kind of got the short end of the stick in our family with all the things he has to deal with.  Over the years I've hunted down specialists... researched therapies and syndromes and supplements and more until the wee hours of the morning... we put a Hyperbaric Oxygen chamber in our living room... we've taken Gavin to shrines and Shaman healing ceremonies... I've brazenly hunted down doctors and specialists online and convinced them to help us... I truly could go on and on.  Many of the things we've done have helped tremendously.  But there is still one thing that continues to seem out of reach.

A diagnosis.

It's a very helpless feeling to not have a diagnosis.  In the short run, a "title" for Gavin's collection of features and behaviors and medical issues wouldn't change anything.  It wouldn't change how we treat him, feed him, love him, and work with him.  But a diagnosis could change everything in the long run. A diagnosis may tell us that Gavin's life span is significantly shorter.  It could tell us how to plan for his future in a more appropriate way - financially, medically and emotionally.  And it would be a huge factor in deciding long term care - if we were to pass away before him.  These types of issues are rather overwhelming if I let myself go there - which I don't very often.

Insert this "Parents Magazine Blog Competition."

Before this competition, the blog had a slowly growing group of followers that quickly feel like friends.   That's just how it is around here - a bunch of friends.  (Well, except for the occasional meanie or troll which, luckily, I don't encounter too often)  Since I was nominated by the editors of Parents Magazine (which still shocks me!), the amount of traffic I've received has been incredible.  And when one of the other women in my category, Glennon Melton from the wildly popular blog, Momastery, generously endorsed Chasing Rainbows... even encouraging her readers to vote for me... it practically crashed my site.  The traffic had me thinking of one thing...

A diagnosis.

What if - regardless of whether I "win" this competition or not - I was able to gain increased international exposure for Gavin.  What if I used this competition as a platform - and worked my butt off to get people to my blog - all with the hope of getting more eyes on my precious son?  And, while doing so, I could bring more people to the page with the list of all the other blogs - in turn, getting more exposure for them!

Each of us write for our own reasons.  Jo from "A Sweet Dose of Truth" writes about her family, including her son's autism.  And right now, she could use some help so if you're familiar with autism, please click her blog name above.  And Deanna from "Everything and Nothing From Essex" writes about her family, including her sweet daughter's Down Syndrome.  Dan from "Single Dad Laughing" has a deeply personal blog that touches on his life with his son, bullying, sexual orientation issues and more.  And Glennon from "Momastery" shares her life so openly and honestly that she changes the world, one person at a time.  I mean that quite literally.  Her blog is a life changer.  The platform we've all been given by Parents Magazine makes all of us winners.  And I've been happy to promote their blogs as I've promoted my own.

We all need each other.  And where else can we put our needs out there and get near instant feedback than the internet?  The increased traffic that I've received... and probably the other candidates have received... may lead each of us to something big.  Maybe it will lead to a professional contact... or a great idea for our children... or a writing gig... or maybe, just maybe, it could lead to...

A diagnosis.

Can you imagine if someone finds my blog somewhere in the world and recognizes the features and behaviors in Gavin?  Maybe their child - or one of their patients - looks and acts the same way and has had a similar history.  Sometimes those kinds of random connections can accomplish what the medical world has been unable to.  You just never, ever know.  

(You can find an entire post devoted to his genetic history here!)

I've never "promoted" my blog anywhere before.  It never really occurred to me!  But this competition suddenly gave me a reason to put myself out there.  Put Gavin out there.  Asking for votes for the competition felt better than saying "Can you come read my blog?"  Now it felt like asking for votes may lead to more exposure for Chasing Rainbows which, in turn, could lead to connections which, in turn, could someday lead to...

That diagnosis.

So, I've been begging on Facebook.  And I've been taking to Twitter.  I've tweeted celebrity after celebrity to bring them to the Parents Magazine Voting page.  Celebrities are generally wealthy and have access to the best of the best.  It is possible that one of their connections may lead ANY of the candidates in the competition to something important!  Or, when they retweet my tweet for votes, any of their followers could find my blog.  It's a long and winding road through people to find my one elusive thing.  A diagnosis for our son.

It's also been a little fun, I'm not going to lie.  I'm a big Bravo fan - and love the Real Housewives franchise.  I've had support from Kyle Richards (Paris Hilton's Aunt!), Yolanda Foster (David Foster's wife!), and Camille Grammar from Beverly Hills... Carole Radziwill (Jackie O's niece, Mom!!), Heather Thomson and Aviva Drescher from New York... Caroline Manzo, Jaqueline Laurita and Rosie Pierri from New Jersey... Lea Black from Miami... Tabatha Coffey from the show, "Tabatha Takes Over"... and I also got support from one of my favorite bloggers, CJane Kendrick.  (Love her)  Oh, and I got a random, shocking follow from Kevin Costner.  Not sure why - but cool, right? 

So win... or lose... it really doesn't matter.  I am beyond thrilled to be nominated, especially in the company of the other bloggers.  And if, years from now, it was the Parents Magazine Blog Competition that was the springboard we needed to get Gavin a diagnosis... I will be eternally grateful.  

There's really nothing I wouldn't do.  Including tweeting Snooki.  Oh yes, I did.