You know when you put something off and put something off and the longer you put it off the bigger and more insurmountable it seems? That's what this entry has felt like. For a couple of years! There is just way too much to catch up on and I've lost way too many nights' sleep. I mean, the two aren't connected - but still.
So let me catch you all up to speed on the Leongs and what we're up to. I hope (truly hope!) that, like us, you have had a healthy few years. COVID - and all the baggage it arrived with - really affected me. I know first hand what it is like to experience something weird or rare or never heard of - so when they said "Global Pandemic" and the whole world was locking down - my Mama Bear instincts kicked in. I was built for these moments. But boy - it got dark fast in the USA.
It has been truly depressing how many times I've found myself saying how relieved I am that Gavin isn't here for this. It was a challenge to protect him from illnesses and we changed our lifestyle, our house rules and had our own extra precautions that we took when we were out in public to protect him. Generally, no one fought us on anything we asked - things like removing their shoes or not coming to our house if you were sick. I would just explain to them that Gavin being sick affected so much - he would miss important therapy sessions, playtime with Brian, and he would often regress. Not to mention I may have PTSD from seeing him through deeply scary medical issues and procedures. I suppose it's not a huge shock that I see things through a filter that is strongly shaded with Gavin memories.
We kept Brian and Hope home all year. Hope's first grade and Brian's 6th grade experiences were entirely virtual. They had a handful of classmates in each of their grades joining them at first. Eventually, all but a few went back in person. We feel extremely grateful (and very blessed) that we had the luxury to keep them home. Ed was able to work from anywhere so the four of us have been together this entire time. While understandably virtual school was difficult for some - my kids came to enjoy it. They loved being home and getting to sleep in, have snacks and water delivered to their desks and have lots of free time to play. We spent a lot of time at the beach in Ocean City, New Jersey which did NOT stink. And all year round, thanks to technology, the kids were still able to facetime friends to talk and play games together.
I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that we have been extremely cautious when it comes to COVID. Ed and I were vaccinated almost immediately when it rolled out. And as soon as they announced that 12 year olds were eligible Brian was ready to go. If you have followed us for a while you'll know that if something "out there" or seemingly far fetched is going to happen... it's going to happen to me. Or to us. It has already - numerous times. So given the options of getting a vaccine that scientists have been working on and preparing for many years - staying home to stop the spread as much as possible - and wearing masks whenever we are anywhere - versus POSSIBLY getting a virus that could MAYBE take one of us away from Brian and Hope? You know which one we'll choose. Watching a child slowly lose brain function on a ventilator will do that to you. We will never risk losing another Leong if we can help it.
And while I'm talking about this can I just get something off of my heart? It has been so hard for me to reconcile peoples' angry reactions to wearing a mask to protect others. I've seen and experienced things that you just can not unsee or unlearn. I've seen children with weakened immune systems who have chronic illnesses or have a terminal disease. The protections that are put in place around those children force others to accommodate. They may wear masks or a gown - they may be asked to wash their hands or not bring certain kinds of items around them. I've seen children and adults recovering from an organ or tissue transplant. They are in a most fragile state - hoping to protect this gift of life they've been given. I've seen my own child wheeled in to surgery to donate his own organs. My mind and my heart immediately thought of those people. I still think about those people every single day. They must be terrified. Imagine your loved one waiting for years for an organ transplant - finally getting one - only to be exposed to a virus and die because someone unmasked was carrying the virus and didn't know. Because of these and many other reasons, we decided to do everything we could to help stop the spread. I couldn't live with myself if I learned I exposed someone I knew... or even someone in my community that I don't know. I've lived long enough to know that we are all connected.
As summer came to an end, we waited to see what the kids' school would announce. We were hoping for virtual due to the Delta variant - at least until Hope could be vaccinated. But if we learned it was important to the kids we were open to allowing them to go back in person if the school required masking. At least until more of the virus was slowed down. The school did require masks but - plot twist - we decided not to go back!
We were sad to pull them from the school we've been with since Brian was in Kindergarten, but we left with love and they left their door open for us! I am not homeschooling - but something even BETTER that, to me, feels like my dream come true. We enrolled them in an online charter school called PALCS or Pennsylvania Leadership Charter School. Basically, the kids have REAL teachers (not me, YAY!) and I get to be the fun field trip Mom, come up with extra educational activities, I'm the homeroom Mom and the lunch lady and I haven't even told you the BEST part yet. The best part is - I get to be actively involved in their days. I've already had cool discussions with Brian about what he's learning in World Studies or Science when it's fresh and not at the end of a long day when all the details get less exciting to retell. The school is very flexible and allows the kids to choose electives that meet their interests. Brian chose Computer Science, Coding and a language which shocked even his Dad: Chinese! He decided on his own to learn Mandarin. Since Ed likes to say he only speaks "menu" Brian is kinda on his own!
This is definitely an experiment this year - with Coronavirus being the impetus. I can see this going really well - with us traveling in the future and allowing the kids to "see the world" while we can still do it together. The benefit of being older parents with young kids. But I can also see them wanting to go back to a brick and mortar school and we are open to returning. So far, so good though as both Brian and Hope are thoroughly enjoying all that this school has to offer - freedom, flexibility, more time in their day and the idea that they can do school mostly on their terms. No more waking up before the sun or arriving home with little time to play before homework. Their school work IS their homework. And our new family motto? "Sleeping in is the new morning rush." They have dedicated live zoom times for certain classes, but if we have plans as a family they can also watch a recording. Hope is loving her new school and lifestyle! Her first question and biggest concern was if she could go to this new school with blue chalk streaks in her hair. Need I say more? I am with Hope 90% of her school day and facilitate much of her learning online. I won't lie to you - the hardest part of all is being patient. Sometimes I feel like my main job is to try to keep a buttered noodle stuck to a chair. But hey - I can go with the flow! So we have ELA on the couch and Math at the desk. Art in the basement and Social Studies on the porch. I try to make it fun because she will still need to be accountable and show what she knows to her teachers.
I'm sure, like we did, you have a bunch of questions about this new school and life. I'll attempt to answer them all. We are very happy. We love that one day we are attending Hope's art class in our basement at home... two days later we are heading to Ocean City for a long weekend because we were able to work ahead in our own time and have two extra days off! It's a different life... not for everyone... lots of chatting all day long and add in two doggies, two bunnies and one hamster who travel with us. Oh, wow - just reading that back. I might need professional help. What was I thinking?
I don't always feel like I have time - or at least time that is strung together in a long enough bunch to form a coherent sentence. So I promised myself that I'll write when I'll write. It will be as long or as short as it will be. It will have pictures or it won't. I have to be cool with myself about this or I'll never make myself do it. I'll tell you about our experiences with charter school, the good and bad. I'll tell you what extra stuff we do - field trips or excursions. Maybe someone will get something out of it all - that would be cool.
I'll leave you with this.
Having lost Gavin, we realized how fragile life is.
Having thought I lost all of my writings - Gavin's entire life story, I realized how important KNOWING your story really is. And how having it is such a gift. I hope these words will be received as gifts one day to Brian and Hope. I hope they can feel my love for them in every decision I make.
Thanks for finding me again, friends!
