Flashing Lights...

I probably shouldn't write this post.  But I'm going to.

I probably shouldn't let certain things upset me.  But I do.

I am sitting here in my kitchen in a very quiet house.  I only hear an occasional sniff which reminds me that I'm crying.  I can't believe I'm crying.

This has been a very taxing week for me.  Physically and emotionally.  New wake up times, new routines, new therapists and new teachers to meet.  Driving much more and lugging things here and there.  Collapsing into bed at night and working through major arthritis stiffness in the morning to get moving more than an hour earlier than usual. Trying to figure out boundaries when before there were none.  Trying to figure out my new place in my son's life during the day when before it was all about us.  Waiting anxiously to pick Gavin and Sara up to hear about their day - and bummed at how much I miss.  Trying hard to make things normal and just as exciting for Brian, too.  Then taking Gavin to the emergency room last night and finding out he broke his finger.  Now waiting to hear back from his regular hospital so he can see his orthopaedic doctor as soon as possible.  The stress never ends.

But the one thing that brought me to my breaking point this morning...that has me in tears...is the school bus.

Let me introduce you to the two wonderful people who keep my precious little boy safe on the bus ride to school.

This is Bruce and Marie.  Do you know that Bruce was once in the Air Force?  And Sara tells me that he is such a safe driver.  His biggest concern is making sure that his 'precious cargo' are happy and safe on the bus.  And then there's Marie, the bus aide that helps get the children buckled in and strapped down.  She's an avid quilter, just like my Mom used to be.

This first week, everyone's trying to get used to everything.  Me, the teachers, Sara, Gavin and, of course, Bruce and Marie.  When they arrive to pick Gavin up, they lower the wheelchair ramp.  Then they lift it up and Marie pulls Gavin's chair back into the bus.  Gavin rides to school in his wheelchair and there's a process to secure it.  Straps that are bolted to the floor need to be attached to all different areas of his chair and then tightened.  Then they need to put belts and straps around him as well.  It absolutely takes some time - and this Mom is glad about that.  Bruce and Marie don't let anything distract them from making sure that both the wheelchair and Gavin don't go anywhere.

I would like to think that I'm a considerate neighbor.  When I noticed that it was a rather long process, I sent out a mass email that reached 93 out of 95 of my neighbors to explain to them that there might be delays on our street at that time in the morning.  Our street is one of the exits out of the neighborhood so I thought if they needed to change their routine they could go out the other exit if they didn't want to wait.  Just to give them a head's up.  And I said in the email that if they did choose to wait, that perhaps they could say a little prayer for Gavin as he begins a new journey away from his family.

This morning we were all outside waiting for the bus to come.  Brian entertained himself by sweeping the driveway.

Finally, the bus came and once they lifted Gavin in and folded up the lift, Brian and I went back inside while they strapped Gavin in.  I had to get Brian ready to drive him to school.  I happened to look out my window and saw a car pull up behind the bus.  After about a minute, a person got out of the car and walked up to the bus - peering in and saying "What's going on?!?".  Then got back in the car only to get out again another minute later to look in the windows of the bus again.  I felt my heart beating out of my chest.  I ran outside and all the way up the driveway and explained what was going on...trying to stay calm while my heart was beating out of my chest and my blood pressure was quickly rising.

Then I put Brian in the car and tried very hard not to cry as I drove him to school.

So, I was thinking about putting a sign on my front lawn.  Maybe "Expect delays - a little boy in a wheelchair needs extra time to get on the bus".  Nah.  Maybe "Patience is a virtue.  Count your blessings."  Nah.  Maybe "Tread lightly on the heart of the Mom who lives here."  

I don't really know what to say, but I'll tell you what my biggest fear is.  That this is just the beginning.  That people will feel inconvenienced by the time it takes my son to do things.  Or worse...that Gavin or Brian will  catch on and it will hurt them in some way.

If you are reading this and you live near me, please...please be patient if you see those flashing red school bus lights.  This child, who we were told may never even sit up, is going to school!  On a bus!  And the Mom inside this house - she's trying so hard to let him go.  Please...please don't make this harder for any of us.

Broken...

Well, I guess I should have known the day would end as crazy as it started!  Where to begin...

I'll begin at the end.

Gavin broke his pinky finger tonight.  It was a total accident.  I had just gotten him down from his high chair after eating his dinner.  He crawled towards the art table and I got distracted with Brian - no big deal as Gavin always roams around and is just fine!  But then he crawled towards the slider to look outside to the back deck where Ed was.  Problem was, Ed didn't know he was there and slid the door open while Gavin's hand was in the track.  After a bit of initial shock on Gavin's part, we knew it was bad when he started screaming and writhing in pain.  

We scrambled to get packed up in the car and I sped to the Emergency room with Gavin.  Ed stayed behind with Brian who was pretty un-phased by the whole ordeal.  Poor Ed was in total guilt mode and blaming himself - but honestly, it really was a complete accident.  If he's to blame, then I am too for not watching Gavin like a hawk.  An impossible feat - so there's no blame.  Things happen.

By the time we were at the end of the driveway headed towards the hospital, Gavin was watching his DVD in the car and smiling.  And he never shed a tear after that.  He's one tough kid.

He's wearing a splint for as long as that lasts.  

I'll also be calling his regular Orthopaedic doctor at DuPont tomorrow for a follow up.   

I can't believe it.  I went 42 years without ever breaking anything (well, maybe a few hearts along the way - but enough bragging). 

Now let's get to the good stuff.  School!!

Gavin had another great day!  He once again loved circle time and the hello song...and pushed the button to say hi to everyone when it was his turn!  He also had a GIANT accomplishment during music time!  One of his goals in his IEP is to hold a toy or an object in his hand for thirty seconds or more.  During music, each child was given an instrument to play - and Miss Megan gave Gavin a Maraca.  He held it and shook it for FORTY TWO SECONDS!  Just to be sure it wasn't a fluke, they tried again.  Second time - 25 seconds.  And third time was a charm - FIFTY THREE SECONDS!!  That's one check off on his goal sheet!!

Gavin also did some self feeding and did a great job.  And they took him outside with his classmates onto the playground where he walked around in his KidWalk.  

It's still so weird to be hearing all this second hand... and to not be showing photos of everything.

While Gavin was at school, I picked Brian up at his school and chatted with his teacher.  Brian was very excited to tell me that he earned enough tokens to pick a prize from the prize box!  The kids get tokens when they make good choices during the day.  Miss Laura, his teacher, said that he is still very well behaved in school and he talks non stop from the time he gets there to the time he leaves!  He's doing so well that his speech therapist, Miss Maggie, recommended that we reduce his speech services from twice a week to just once a week!!  He was getting individual and group.  The individual therapy was to work on articulation needs - which she now feels are age appropriate.  The group was to work on social language skills and that's what will stay the same.  I'm thrilled for Brian and so grateful to Miss Maggie for all her hard work with him!  Actually, I'm so grateful to his teachers, Laura and Morgan, too.  Sending Brian to school was the best decision I was terrified to make.

After lunch, Brian was very excited to pick Gavin up at his school!  Gavin was really happy to see his brother.

 

I also had a chance to chat with the Principal at the school - the one who had gotten upset with me on the very first day.  You can read about it here.  She introduced herself and apologized a hundred times to me for her behavior.  It was pouring rain - one of the first days of school - people were in and out and there were lots of new faces.  Even though I told her what I was doing and that I'd be carrying things in and out, she must have forgotten.  She said she saw me carrying equipment and thought I was an aide or a therapist - she didn't realize I was a parent.  She admitted that she had been pretty short with me and was so sorry.  She explained that she was quite the "Mama Lion" in order to protect all these children at the school - and I told her I greatly appreciated that, for sure!!  I told her that I went to Catholic School and have a fear of authority (no comments, please - especially you, Mom) and I was so upset thinking I was in trouble.  She warmly told me that I was welcome to come into the school at any time.  She also said she went in and met Gavin this morning and when I said, "He's pretty adorable, isn't he??" - she agreed.  See?  We already have things in common!  She's really a lovely person.  And now I can breathe.

Speaking of breathing - I didn't do much of that this morning!  All week the school bus has been almost 20 minutes late.  We were told to be ready at 8:10 for an 8:20 pick up.  Today we were a little relaxed about that because of the track record.  As we were in the garage getting Gavin into his wheelchair, I heard the bus.  Oh boy.  I quick got him buckled and went running up the driveway and across the grass yelling "WAIT!" where the bus had pulled up and stopped in front of my neighbors.  Sara grabbed his bags and was running behind me.  Barefoot Brian was running up the driveway crying yelling "WAIT FOR ME!"  It was quite a scene.

The good news is, they waited.  And Bruce told me "Dont' worry, we'll never leave you."  I guess he liked those brownies!!  

Whew.