Willing to Try...

What if I told you you could do something today to make a difference in the lives of two children? Would you be interested? The one thing you can easily do... starting right now... 

is stop using the word retarded.  

And the two children it will make a difference to... are mine.

It may seem "cool" to you to use the word "retarded" or other variations like "tard" or "fucktard" to describe people or places or things, but it's not.  I would be willing to bet that you wouldn't call an african american person the N word... or a gay man the F word.  But if you did, they would likely be able to defend themselves. How "cool" does it make you to use the word "Retarded" when you know that, even if you're using it "ironically," the very people it insults may not be able to defend themselves?

Not very cool. 

Would you look a sweet little boy in the eyes and use that word?

Or would you rather look into his little brother's eyes and explain that you "didn't mean it that way" or "it's all about free speech" or "don't be so sensitive?"  

Think about it.  Is it really worth it to you to defend your use of a word over defending the feelings of another human being?  What if I told you you could do something today to make a difference in the lives of two children?  Would they be worth your effort?

Growing up, it was not unusual to hear boys calling each other "fag" as an insult.  It was also not unusual to hear "nigger."  Or phrases like, "don't act so Jewish."  I could go on and on.  As we all know, those words and phrases have now become socially unacceptable.  It's a rare and insensitive person that throws those words around.  Times change - and when we know better, we do better.  It is very interesting to me that when I speak up about people using the word "retard" in ANY context, I am met with defensiveness and opposition.  Even if I say something in a kind and non-judgemental way.  I've heard the usual, "I didn't mean it that way" or "I wasn't talking about a person" or "You can't really believe that the world is going to drop a WORD from their vocabularies just to spare some feelings of people who don't understand anyway."  That's my personal favorite argument.  Not.

Why are people with disabilities not afforded the same decency and respect - and compassion - as people of color, creeds or sexual orientation?  

If you think it's just a word, you are mistaken.  Fag was just a word until we all realized we were hurting people... and we stopped.  Retarded is no different.  If a generation twenty years ago can change their vocabularies by dropping a few words - a generation that was not very "PC," when you think about it - then why is it so hard for us?  It's 2013, after all.  


If you think it's just a word, you are mistaken.  In five years - probably less - the boys will catch on.  Brian especially.  There will be a day when he hears kids his age - or older kids - or kids he looks up to - or even adults saying "You're such a tard" or "That's retarded" or worse around him.  And it won't take long for him to piece together what that means.  Retarded is a way to describe something stupid... something slow... someone clumsy... someone who drools... someone like... Gavin.

I hate to think of my sweet Brian feeling anxiety over having a brother who is different.  And to add on top of that having to hear slurs like "retarded" - it hurts my heart even more.  You might be thinking, "Gavin isn't retarded! Why do you care?"  Because Gavin is developmentally delayed.  And "retarded" isn't even a diagnosis anymore.  And the way the word is thrown around - it's a ridiculous "slang synonym" for "slow" or "stupid" or "clumsy" or worse.  That's why I care.  And I care about  you.  Very soon this word will be on the list with all the other words we've given a well deserved funeral.  I don't want you to miss the boat and get judged for sounding like an ass.

Tomorrow, March 6th,2013, is "Spread the Word to End the Word" day.  It's a national day of awareness to speak up about ending the use of the word "retarded."  If you haven't already, please go to their website and take the pledge to stop using the word.

Look - I know it's hard to change overnight.  I once said the word, too.  But that was then... and this is now.  I just ask that you be willing to try.  Sometimes it's easier to change when it's personal.  Since I know many of you feel connected to our family... and love Gavin dearly... try this:

Next time you're joking around with your friends and you think about calling someone a "tard"... pretend that Gavin is in the room.

And instead, call them a "Boogie Dinosaur."  That always gets a big laugh out of Brian.  And it makes you sound much cooler anyway.

Promise me, friends, that you'll be willing to try?

Spread The Word...

Today is "Spread the Word to End the Word Day". A day created by a couple of guys from the Special Olympics as a campaign to stop the use of the word "retarded". I think by now you all know how I feel about the use of that word...whether it's a joke, used as slang, chosen as a way to describe yourself or a thing...it's just not cool to use the word. Ever. I wrote about it a couple times before when it directly affected me in THIS post (which was really therapeutic to write)...and THIS one (which was after a very sad incident that cost me some friends). But no one can be more eloquent than my friend, Ellen, who writes over at Love That Max. If you haven't seen her blog - it's worth adding to your favorites every day. (Hint: she posts her blog close to midnight!! I should know...I used to wait up for it!) Today she posted a video that she created specifically for this day. I hope that you will take a three minutes and nine seconds to watch this and share it freely.

This morning we were greeted bright and early by painters who are here to paint Brian's old room. This room will either become Gavin's new room - which would be great news as this would mean I would have a baby in his current room! Or this room will become a guest room - which would be cool if we ever had guests. Either way, I like the tan colored paint I chose to go with the blackwatch plaid curtains.

Next to arrive was Miss Stephanie for Gavin's Occupational Therapy! She always starts with trying to get Gavin to feed himself. He did a pretty good job, which shocked us all as he's been gagging a lot lately on his food. Congestion from his cold - and now seasonal allergies - are taking their toll on him. They moved to the table after that to work on fine motor activities and he charmed us all with his sweet smile.

Brian is doing so well in school, but I'm always surprised when his teachers tell me he's very quiet! He's the exact opposite at home and is talking SO much more lately. All day long he is singing, asking questions, telling me stories, and identifying everything he sees. He loves school - and they love him - and he's still having a great time with his friend MacKenzie!

I think Brian is also going through a growth spurt. He's been eating HUGE meals. For the last two or three nights he has had three helpings of dinner. He LOVES salad and finished an entire bag of Caesar (with no croutons) in two days.

This afternoon, right after lunch, Gavin and I had an appointment with Dr. Trish. She thought that she would encounter a lot of chaos in Gavin after his seizure and hospitalization. She was happy to report at the end that he seemed to have processed the whole experience really well!

Meanwhile on the table right next to him, his Mommy was filled with panic and fear which she said I was successfully able to clear by the end. I know all of this might sound crazy - and energy healer - but I can't express enough how much she has done for our family. I found this old video of Gavin from the summer of 2010 (he looks so little here!) if you are curious what his sessions look like. Mine look similar, but I'm on my belly on a chiropractic table. And I don't play with my feet.

While we were at our appointment, Brian and Miss Sara went outside to play! It's a gorgeous day here. I suspect that I'll be packing away the winter coats very soon! Brian played with sidewalk chalk, played on the swings...and Miss Sara said he shocked her when he drew and "X" and "T" on his own. How cool is that???