Tuesday, September 13, 2016

An Early Birthday Celebration...

Gavin's birthday is September 29 - and this year, he would have been nine. That is hard to believe... but what's harder to believe is that we've spent the last four birthdays without him.
The last birthday we spent with Gavin, his 5th, we took the boys to Dutch Wonderland for the day. Gavin had such a great time riding the rides. 
We never could have known that would be his last birthday with us. Since his death, we vowed that we would try to do something fun as a family each year to celebrate the day he came into the world - just like we did on that last birthday. 

The first year, I was seven months pregnant with Hope. We took Brian to Hershey, PA and stayed in a hotel with an indoor pool. We knew Gavin would have loved that. Brian kicked around in the pool singing Happy Birthday to Gavin the whole time...
...and then went to bed in Gavin's travel tent in the hotel room.

We spent the next day having fun at Hershey Park celebrating what would have been Gavin's 6th birthday.
The next year, his 7th birthday, we took the kids to Sesame Place.

His eighth birthday turned out to be very hard for us. We got some balloons and cake - and treated Brian and Hope to some toys - and that was good enough that year. One thing we don't do is put pressure on ourselves if we're not feeling up to something big.
This year we went back to Hershey! We took Brian out of school on Friday and made a long weekend out of it! Last time we were there, we stayed in a local hotel. But this year we decided to stay at Hershey Lodge and it was the best decision EVER. 
We were lucky to be able to check in early which gave us almost the whole day to have fun in the hotel. The kids had their own area to check in - and they loved getting lanyards with their names on them.
Every time you turn around, someone seems to be handing you chocolate. (Like I said - best decision ever staying here!!) Hope and Brian didn't waste any time digging in.
Much of the weekend was spent looking like this...
...and doing this...
We are grateful to Brian's new teacher for supporting a day off. She sent home schoolwork that he missed on Friday (which we did before we left) and let him make up two tests when he got back on Monday. Because we got there on Friday when most kids are in school, we felt like we had the hotel to ourselves! We spent almost the entire afternoon at the pool - which is like an indoor water park! As soon as we walked in...it just screamed Gavin. He would have flipped over this water extravaganza. 
I could have stayed in that pool all weekend!
One area Gavin would have really loved was the splash pad. Hope had a great time jumping and running through the dancing water!
One of the highlights of the pool was the "Twizzler Slide." It is a huge, twisty, covered water slide that starts inside the hotel - twists round and round outside the hotel - and ends back inside. Ed and I climbed those stairs many, many times with Brian - and I'm not sure which one of us had the most fun. 
I'm pretty sure it was Brian. But one could argue that the person who had the most fun when we were at the pool was Gavin. 
Ed and I felt regret while we were there that we never thought to bring Gavin to Hershey Lodge when he was alive. But I told Ed - and I believe this - that we shouldn't feel bad at all. I know in my heart that we gave Gavin a great life. He had more experiences in five years than most adults!! But boy, he definitely would have loved this place.

Staying at the hotel allowed us to get into Hershey Park an hour early, so we were up the next morning ready to board the shuttle! I had to document Hope's first bus ride - she felt pretty cool sitting in her own seat.

Before we knew it - we were there and ready for a fun day! 
The worst part of the weekend was the heat. It was in the 90s with very high humidity, so walking around the park all day was rough. My curls didn't last long before they needed to be stuffed into a baseball hat!
We loved watching the kids on the rides together. Our first stop was the Carousel. Gavin LOVED a good Merry go Round - and this one was epic. It was big and it was fast - it had lots of colorful lights and great music.
Brian is always so happy to accompany Hope on the little baby rides.
But she's getting braver and braver! She went on several rides alone and, as you can see, she thought she was too cool for school!
She loved all the rides - but none as much as the swings! She went on them three times in a row!
I am so, so lucky that my husband has a not so hidden talent.
Every time we go to a carnival - amusement park - arcade - he can't turn down the chance to win giant, cringe-worthy stuffed animals. If it weren't for the huge grins, overwhelming excitement and laughter of the kids - I might consider staging a stuffed animal intervention. Poor Hope ended up seatless (don't feel sorry for her - she was thrilled to not be "put" in her "baby" stroller) so we could accommodate our new "friends."
At Hershey Park, they measure you by candies. So, Brian could go on any ride that was "Hershey Bar" or lower...
Hope measured as a "Hershey Kiss."
And, if you were wondering, the big, obnoxious bear measured as a "Reese's." That's taller than Hope and one bar below Brian. Yup. Pray for me.
Hope amazes me all the time with her stamina, but especially so on this day. It was super hot, she walked the whole day, didn't nap at all... and kept up with all the fun!
We took a short tour around Chocolate World because we were feeling deprived of chocolate.
Our final night in the hotel was fun. Outside the pool area they have a little arcade and an activity room. The kids loved the arcade and spent a lot of time playing games, air hockey and skee ball.
We had a lot of fun in the activity room, too! The lucite lego table they had was so unique. The legos are stored in drawers that pull out from either side. I have tried in vain to find one online. If anyone has seen this and could send me a link, I'd be grateful!
The boys spent more time in the arcade than Hope and I cared to do, so we would hang in the activity room and color, play connect four, jenga - there was so much to do. And I may or may not have secretly shared my hidden stash of Hershey Kisses with her. I'll never tell.
We ended the night playing miniature golf on the property. Hope got a hole in one with everyone's balls by picking them up and helping us put them in the hole. We cut her off when we caught her walking towards the family behind us to "help" them. 
Needless to say, Brian had to learn how to be a good sport that night. 
You'd think, after reading this, that Hershey asked me to write about our trip - but they didn't! Just my usual oversharing. Ha!

Overall, we had a great time as a family. A really great time. But more than that, we honored the life... the existence... and the birthday of our first child. I made a vow that I would honor his life by living ours... and making sure I continue to show his siblings that we can be happy. It's really okay. I also promised that I would make sure our children saw his light in our eyes. But this weekend? It was us that saw Gavin's light in their eyes.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Before His Last Candle Was Blown Out...


I loved having my baby in September.


I loved the cooler air, the hint of change in the leaves, the promise of winter when we could snuggle up for months in each other's arms.


I loved having my baby in September.


But now, everything has changed.



Now September brings with it a collision of emotions. It sweeps in with a hint of anxiety and broken promises. In this month I must endure every adorable back to school photo... except his. I must plan a birthday celebration that won't include him in a single photo enjoying it all. And the winter ahead leaves my bones aching to have him back in my arms.


I don't like September as much anymore. 

September is not an easy month for me. But I will always honor the promises I made to him before his last candle was blown out. Lying next to him in the dark of night, I vowed to always celebrate the life I was given with him. I vowed to celebrate him on September 29th - and every day. I promised that his brother and sister would see his light in my eyes whenever I talked about him. 

And I promised that I would not allow myself to stay stuck in the hell of Summer - or the cold of Winter. After all, I loved having my baby in September. And if I let myself, I can feel him in every cool breeze... and see his beautiful life painted in the unique and ever changing colors of Fall.

I will keep my promises, Gavin.

Always.


Sunday, September 4, 2016

Game Plan...

It's that time of year again! When school is back in session and the mornings and evenings start getting cooler... it can only mean one thing.

No, not the time we start seeing Christmas decorations and cards in the stores. Although that is true.

No, not the beginning of "NO MORE LEG SHAVING UNTIL SUMMER!" season. Although that is most definitely true. Wait - unless you think that's really gross and then I'm totally kidding. Kind of.

It's that time of year when I'll obsess over my beloved Just Between Friends (Fall) Consignment Sale!! WOO HOO!! If you know me even just a tiny bit - you know I love my consignment sale. The JBF sale I go to is in Oaks, PA at the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center. If you live around here, come to the sale! I haven't been to any of the other surrounding JBF sales - but I know this one is the best. How could it not be? This was the sale that started Gavin stepping. Literally. The very first sale I went to, I bought a baby walker for $20.00 that looked brand new. I thought I got the best deal in the world. (Now that I'm a veteran shopper, I would have never paid $20 for a walker!) I was hoping, since Gavin would be supported in the sling seat, that my low tone boy would be motivated to take steps to move himself. It worked. Check out this throwback video (with a cameo by a baby Brian!)...

Looking back, I probably would have paid $200 for that walker if I had known it would have put the idea of stepping into Gavin's little head and given me that experience in my kitchen. It was a simple - but HUGE moment for both of us.

Back then, the twice a year sales were SO important to me. I had two boys very close in age - one with special needs who received a lot of therapy in our home. I was always looking for new toys to keep his therapy interesting. With such a HUGE selection, I could literally think through each therapy he received and get toys that would help him - with occupational therapy or physical therapy or feeding therapy and on and on. I have told this to so many special needs families over the years - it's really the best place to go for stimulating toys that won't break the bank. I've also told several families that have autistic children they should check out these sales. If your child is fixated on a toy - and you dread the day it breaks because it's not made anymore - you will likely find 20 of them at a JBF sale.

Now that Brian is older, I find I don't sell as much of his clothes. As boys grow, they get rougher and rougher on their clothes - and JBF is very strict about selling things in excellent condition. And Hope? Well she is definitely rougher than the average girl on her clothes. Especially this summer at "Camp Leong!" We spent so much time outside that some of her clothes - I wouldn't even GIVE them away!! So this time around, my selling pile was the smallest ever. I use a "valet tagger" that works for JBF to tag and deliver my clothes to the sale floor. It's the best decision I ever made a couple years back. The valet gets a cut of what I make (well deserved) - and I get to do more of this...
and a little of this...
a little of this...
and a LOT of this!!!!!!!
All while my lovely valet does all the work!

In just a couple weeks (September 21st!) I will be in line to shop on the presale day. My list will be made and I'll have a solid game plan before I go through those doors. I'll be on the hunt for Halloween costumes (which there will be racks and racks and racks to choose from)... Christmas presents for the kids (which will be easy)... snowsuits... and I'll of course have to check out the clothes. I should mention - this is totally the "testing ground" for some toys or video games that I'm just not sure Brian will like long enough to justify buying new - but he may be begging for. If I pay $5.00 for a game or a toy and he only plays with it a few times - I feel a lot better about it. (Then I turn around and sell it for $10. Just kidding!)

I started going to this sale because of Gavin so I suppose that's why I'm so emotionally attached and want to share it all with you twice a year. Whether you're expecting, a new Mom, an "old" Mom like me, have older kids or grandkids - or even if the only kids you have are your students or special needs clients - you won't regret going to the sale. You might even see me there! But listen - I will knock you down if you're holding the only Minecraft costume (if that even exists) in Brian's size. You've been warned. Ha!

If you want to join me, check out all the information on the JBF site HERE. You will need to get tickets to each sale event - and you can get them free by ordering them HERE.  You can also pay $10.00 to get in earlier (worth it!). This is what you'll see when you get to the ticket ordering page:

And here's the full sale schedule:



I'll be posting on September 21st in the morning during the pre-sale on Twitter, Instagram and my Facebook page so you can see what I'm finding for Brian and Hope! If you're wondering how to get in THAT early - consider volunteering to work at the sale. There are tons of volunteer opportunities and the more you work, the more you make and the earlier you get to shop! 

Hope to see you there! And if you do see me, please say hi. I love meeting people who have been reading - especially if they read during the Gavin days. Any chance I have to hear Gavin's name - it totally makes my day.


You can also find my friends at JBF all over social media - on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram!

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