He Would Have Been Seven and a Half...

Dear Gavin,

Today you would have been seven and a half.

I wonder every single day - not just on birthdays or half birthdays - but every single day what you would be like.  I am sure by now you would be running and communicating and loving your new little sister.  Your death so young was devastating - but so was the death of your potential.  You had so much potential and I feel we were all just robbed of a beautiful, inspiring future.

But...

Today was your half birthday.  And we chose to celebrate like we always do -  because you lived.  We are so grateful for the time we DID have with you.  So grateful.

The last time we celebrated your half birthday was when you turned 5 1/2.  We went to one of your favorite places - Arnold's Family Fun Center!  Brian was excited to show Hope around...

...and she was thrilled to explore!  I even put aside my anxiety about her touching everything.  That's a big deal!

We ended up spending the most of our time in their little playground area that has a bounce house and some climbing toys.  I know you got a kick out of watching your brother and sister jumping for joy!

The last time you were there I carried you up the high bounce house ladder, which was quite a feat.  You LOVED going down the slide.

I considered carrying Hope up that same ladder, but Gavin - your baby sister is so wild and unpredictable!  She likely would have jumped out of my arms to climb that high ladder by herself!!  So we compromised and I let her go down the playground slide all by her independent self...

...over and over and over!  She had so much fun!

Hope was so happy to explore...

...and climb on everything.  She's fearless!

Brian and I had a crazy time on the bumper cars.  He told me I was a great driver!  I was so disappointed that it was just the two of us - and Daddy wasn't there to hear him say that.  You should know that I am STILL a FAR superior driver than your Dad.  Ha!

We ended our fun time at Arnold's on the carousel.  You loved, loved, loved going on the carousel.  This was Hope's first time sitting on her own horse!

Brian was so happy - and loved that he was right next to Hope for her first ride.  

He actually chose the dog that she sat on!  Hope loves to say "woof woof" when you ask her what a doggie says.  She loves to say "woof woof" when you ask her what a cow says, too, but I digress...

After Arnold's, we went to Target.  I told Brian that if you were alive, we would have given you a toy or two for your "half birthday."  I know it made you so happy to see Brian and Hope pick out toys to enjoy instead.  Brian picked some Superhero toy, fittingly!  And Brian and I chose a Little People Farm (that looks exactly like the one I had as a little girl!) for Hope.  "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" is her favorite song at the moment!

Brian and I laughed and laughed and laughed when we got home making up silly Superhero games.  I know you were laughing with us.  I do.

Hope was so exhausted that she went right to sleep at bedtime.  But Brian, Daddy and I were pretty wound up!!  We ended your special day in your bed remembering fun stories about you.  We talked about how you loved Arnold's... the bathtub... and how every time Brian walked in the room you smiled.  We also talked about how similar you and Hope are in many ways, to which Brian said:
"It's like Hope is Gavin and Gavin is Hope!"

If only he knew how true that really is.

Actually - scratch that.

He knows.

We love you, Gavin.  We miss you every single day.  You would have been halfway to eight today!  We will never stop celebrating your life and how you changed us.

Love, Mommy

xoxoxoxoxo