Pumpkin Bread Therapy...

I've been putting off writing my journal entry all day. Why? I'm not sure! I think I'm just...blah. I'm still not quite right after all that's happened over the last several weeks. The IVF experience, my Dad's sudden death, the funeral, the positive pregnancy test that turned into a negative. I definitely feel like I've been on a roller coaster - and the ride hasn't come to a complete stop just yet.

But one thing I can guarantee you right now - I'll be fine. My Dad was a very positive person. I'd like to think I get that from him. He could always rise above anything... and he was the master at spinning a negative into a positive. I feel like if I stay stuck in a depressed mood I would be disrespecting him. I owe it to him - and all he taught me - and all he did for me - to be happy.

BUT...to be fair, it is pretty darn hard to be sad in my house. Gavin and Brian see to that every single day.

Last time I wrote, I had just found out that my very short pregnancy was over. I was told to stop all of my medications and to expect a very heavy period. Then I was to make an appointment for this Wednesday so they can be sure my Beta level is back down to zero. Well, nothing major or even close to "heavy" has happened. I don't know what to think, but I'm certainly not getting my hopes up or expecting any miraculous news come Wednesday.

I had a few emails from concerned readers wondering why I would do something stupid like announce a pregnancy so early. Well, thanks for your concern. I decided to share my entire IVF journey. I think it would kind of suck if I left out the ending each month, don't you think?

Ed and I decided to skip town for a change of scenery. I needed to laugh...to eat a lot...to have a place to sob alone in a room if I wanted (and I did) without little ears to hear me. We ended up going to a show at the hotel. The comedienne, Kathy Griffin, was not only there...but her show was being filmed for an upcoming special on Bravo in December!! And not only that...we scored seats in the FRONT ROW!! Coincidentally, I found this out at the same time I came to a shocking realization that my hair looked stupid, I was dressed like a "Mom" and I had almost no makeup on. Basically, totally camera ready (if you are watching "What Not to Wear"). This was our view...

We definitely laughed a lot. That will make up for the crying I'll surely do when I see myself on TV in December. Ha!

The show ended late so we headed back up to our room to go to sleep. I was miraculously woken up by the tiny bing of my phone - I still can't believe I heard it from across the room. It was Katja's boyfriend. Katja was staying with the boys at our house - and she was having severe abdominal pain. Her boyfriend was scared and thought he needed to take her to the emergency room. Ed and I immediately packed up - we were in total "parent mode." Katja is like family to us and we were very concerned for her well being! I made some calls and my friend, Drew, ended up picking up the phone at 1am - thank God. He rushed over to our house and stayed there until we got home two hours later. Katja spent hours and hours in the E.R.; but thankfully it was nothing terribly serious. She is taking off this week to rest and recover.

Sunday was busy at our house. I'm back to interviewing for a new helper and ended up meeting with three candidates yesterday afternoon. They were all very good! While I was grilling...er, I mean getting to know...the girls, Ed was busy with his new toy. He got an "Oilless Turkey Fryer" and was dying to try it. It's a pretty cool contraption! He hooked it up to a propane tank on the deck and it cooked the turkey in just a few hours. Ten minutes for each pound - and it came out great. Crispy skin...and tender meat. I bet our whole neighborhood smelled our turkey!! (You're welcome)

My sister, Bean, came to help me today for a few hours. Gavin had his four year old physical at the pediatrician. We haven't seen Dr. Forman in a long time - which is a great thing! We feel so fortunate to love both of our pediatricians and we recommend them to everyone in town.

I am very happy and proud to say that Gavin is officially "on the charts." He weighed in at a whopping 28.8 pounds and he's 37 1/2 inches. That puts him in the 10-25th percentile. Woo Hoo! He had to get a few shots today, too. He took them like a champ, as always.

When we got home we had a quick lunch before Gavin's teacher, Miss Janna, arrived. I think that's when the discomfort started to kick in. Poor Gavin. When bubbles don't cheer him up, you know he's got to be hurting...

We ended today with a nice treat. My Mom made a ton of pumpkin bread the other day (yes, the same Mom that just lost her husband - can you believe her??) and we were one of the lucky recipients. We all enjoyed a piece as a snack. Brian was signing more before he was even finished what he had!

And even Gavin...who had been so grumpy and sad all afternoon...was smiling and happy eating Granny's pumpkin bread.

Yep - it's pretty darn hard to be sad around here for long.

p.s. I'm on a mission to find a copy of my Dad's obituary from the Philadelphia Inquirer. I was lucky enough that two friends found copies...and I just need one more for my sister. If anyone happened to save a copy - or still has their Inquirer from November 8 - I would be SO grateful. I know it's a longshot...

What You Missed...

Yesterday I didn't show up to work. I mean here. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't even call in sick. I sometimes get complaints when I don't write my blog. Okay, not really...but kind of from Ed. He claims that he doesn't know what's going on in our house if I don't write about it. I'm pretty sure he's kidding, but I guess you never know. He also hates when he's behind in reading and someone approaches him and says, "I can't believe Kate said..." or "I can't believe Kate did..." and he has to nod and pretend he knows what the heck they're talking about. Moral of the story is - you can't please everyone and apparently not showing up to your job as a blogger doesn't mean anything. I didn't even get a warning or a demotion or anything! I love this job!!

So...let me catch you (and my husband) up on all the exciting happenings in the Leong house. Oh boy, has it been hopping around here. And I am not kidding about that!

Gavin is doing a great job with his iPad. Miss Maggie saw him using it on Thursday - the first time in close to a month while they were on break - and was impressed! We are currently using Proloquo2Go the most as his communication device. It's was slow going for a while - trying to get him to touch the screen and understand the concept. Over the therapy break I had him use the iPad a lot - and at his own pace. It was never forced it and we always made it fun. Songs and books and fun apps that grabbed his attention.

I think this helped him "like" the iPad much more. So, when Miss Maggie was here on Thursday we practiced on Proloquo2Go again. This time, we added Gavin's newest obsession - his electric toothbrush.

He had to touch the screen in order to get the toothbrush which he now can hold and use all by himself (I know! Huge!!!).

Miss Janna came the same day and I'm not sure who was more excited - her or Gavin. Gavin is completely smitten with Janna and I caught him snuggling up to her with the biggest smile several times. She brought a book with a hand puppet and Gavin's job was to add the eyes, nose, ears and mouth to the puppet to make a face. He did a great job picking up these cloth pieces with her help!

She also brought something called a "Vibrating Snake". It can bend and twist and be used in multiple ways. That day we used it on top of his chest strap. It lightly vibrates and is meant to calm a child who can be fidgety. I grabbed my iPad during the session and googled it - SURE that it was going to cost a lot (like most "special needs" items) and was SHOCKED when I found it on Amazon for $19.00! I bought it right then...but Janna let us borrow hers until ours arrives. Here is a video of their session....and you can hear and see the vibrating snake at the end.

So that was Thursday.

Friday was Miss Katja's last day. She was here until 1pm and then left for her new job at my neighbor's house! We were sad to see her go and sent her off with flowers, a balloon, a gift and home made cards.

Also on Friday was Occupational Therapy with Miss Stephanie. She, too, was amazed at Gavin's progress and growth over the therapy break. She couldn't believe how he held and used his own toothbrush - and how he picked up his cup and drank from the straw on his own. She loved that one of his big goals at his last IEP could be "checked off"...and so was I.

Stephanie brought the cutest toy with her. It was a pie shell filled with colorful plastic fruit pieces. She was having Gavin pick up the little fruit pieces and drop them in a container. Brian got into the action, too, and had a great time.

Then we pretended that it was the end of Thanksgiving dinner and almost on cue...

*wink*

After lunch, Miss Wendy arrived for Gavin's Physical Therapy. I didn't take a single photo so you'll have to take my word that Gavin was a rock star. She thought he felt so much stronger. And she also saw a huge improvement in his walker skills - he demonstrated much more control than before the break. I attribute this to our driveway walking - having him walk up the driveway is easier and the walker doesn't get away from him. I think this built his confidence. Yippee!!!

While Miss Wendy was leaving...Miss Sarah was on her way down the driveway. She's back from her mission trip after a long six...almost seven...months. She's tan and happy and I was really so happy to see her. So happy. I closed the door to the laundry room so we could have a big hug before the boys even knew she was here. And then I turned on my video camera to film Brian...and then Gavin...to see their reactions.

Brian was confused for a minute - but it didn't take long for it to "click" that this was his Sarah. The heart doesn't forget. Check this out...

And then she went in the playroom to see Gavin. Although it may seem that he's not phased, that's just Gavin. Those who know him well know that the huge smile speaks volumes. Check it out...

Sarah stuck around for hours telling me stories about working in Uganda...in New Zealand...and the most touching stories of cutting the nails and hair of the slum kids in India. She has found her true calling in life and it's evident in her face and how passionately she recounts her experiences. She promised that she'd come back again before she's off on another mission in just a few short weeks.

So now you're caught up. This weekend is going to be laid back - I'd like to get as much work done as I can on Gavin's birthday video...and then get ready for Miss Anna's first day on Tuesday.

I leave you with one request. We are now in the holding period...waiting to see if we were successful this month in our quest for that third child. If you have any spare positive thoughts or prayers to send our way, we'd really...really...REALLY...appreciate them. This month was our last ditch effort to conceive on our own before we turn to In Vitro Fertilization.

Let the praying and positive thinking commence!

We Were The Lucky Ones...

Tomorrow we say goodbye to Miss Katja...and we are so sad.

Here's the scoop. On Katja's second day with us, she went into the Hyperbaric Oxygen Chamber with Gavin. Having someone do that with him for an hour a day is a huge part of the job. It's very difficult for me to go in there and sit in one position for an hour because of my arthritis - plus I'm never sure each month if I'll be pregnant. And Ed is not always home in time to go in for an hour before Gavin's bedtime. So...on the second day she was here, she did the chamber. Then we all caught colds. I don't put anyone in the chamber if they have congestion. So we ended up staying out of the chamber for close to a month! One day, when I was sure everyone was healthy, I told Katja that we could start up with the chamber the following day. The next day she came in and bravely told us that she experienced ear pain while she was in there - and she never wanted to go into the chamber again. She maturely told us that she knew it was a big part of the job and if we had to find someone else, she'd understand.

We. Were. Crushed. We'd already gotten attached to Katja - all of us! I cried many tears over it and, to be honest, we just put it on the backburner...unable to deal. We didn't want to make the decision to find someone else. Katja was dropped from Heaven for our family!

Anywhoo....we spent the summer enjoying ourselves and I tried to do the chamber when I could with Gavin. But we knew that at some point that had to change. The reason we bought that very expensive chamber was so Gavin could get regular treatments. The day I told Katja we would indeed need to find someone else...it was awful. She was great about it...but I felt just awful.

With a month to find someone new, I went back to Sittercity and had instant luck. I met Anna, who seems to be a cross between Miss Sarah and my niece Julia, and decided on the spot that she was the one. She will start with our family this Tuesday! I also was able to find Katja a job - lucky for us it is in our neighborhood! She will be working in the morning with my neighbor friends, Patti and Patrick, who have one year old twins, Seamus and Molly! And then in the afternoon she will be taking care of Brian's buddy, Eli, and his baby brother, Ryan, at our neighbor friends Lauren and Gabe's house! We're looking forward to play dates!

All's well that ends well. Thank God.

Katja has been such a wonderful addition to our family. She brought a tender heart, lots of energy, serious responsibility and no fear. She quickly mastered Gavin's equipment and was very compassionate and loving with him. He just loved her!

And she and Brian quickly became buddies. She was able to balance Brian's high energy and Gavin's needs with grace.

She always got big hugs and kisses from Brian...and he always walked her to the door and then watched her from the window when she would leave at the end of the day.

Tomorrow will be hard, but I am comforted knowing that we'll see Katja again. We tend to get attached to people, if you haven't noticed. And on top of Katja being a wonderful helper to me with my children...she has also become my friend. I send her off with such gratitude.

We have been so, so fortunate with the people that have helped us over the years. Kara is the "OG" of the Leong family helpers. She came to us just a few days after Brian was born!

She was here for lots of big moments - including Gavin's first crawl! When she decided to leave in order to go back to school, we were so sad. She helped me hire Miss Sarah and although it was hard to pass the torch...

*wink*

...she was able to let go and turn the boys over to Sarah.

Sarah was here for over a year and became such a good friend as well! The boys just loved her and we always had lots of fun.

It was comforting to have someone like Sarah with us when Darcy died...and when Gavin had his long, traumatic, painful and scary recovery from eye surgery when he nearly lost his eye. Having someone here - especially Sarah - was key as we were back and forth to the hospital almost every day.

Sarah left to pursue her dream of traveling the world as a missionary and we were as proud as parents to send her off.

She even stopped by to see us on the way to the airport! There have never been hard feelings as people exit our home...and I love that. And we often have people back to babysit which is a huge bonus. Kara, Sarah and Katja have all lived here so Ed and I could have the luxury of some time alone together.

I always realize how lucky I am to have help during the day. People often make comments like, "I don't know how you do it!" I am quick to tell them that I wouldn't be able to do HALF of what I do if it weren't for the wonderful help I have on a daily basis. It has been a benefit to me...a huge benefit to our children...and hopefully, the wonderful girls we have had with us would say they enjoyed spending their days here.

Saying goodbye to Katja tomorrow is truly bittersweet...as it was saying goodbye to Kara and Sarah. But Gavin, Brian and I are better people because of our time with each of them. We, for sure, were the lucky ones.

Sight For Sore Eyes...

We decided to leave Maryland last night after dinner. By the time we got on the road it was 9pm and we instantly got stuck in traffic. For about forty minutes we sat in 'park' on a bridge out of the island which did wonders for our mood, oh boy. Fortunately (for us) it was an accident - once we passed by it was smooth sailing for three more hours.

It was after midnight when we got home - everyone was sleeping including Miss Katja. Ed and I grabbed some sleeping bags to continue the whole roughing it nature of this trip and parked ourselves on the floor in Darcy's room. (Yes, I still call it Darcy's room!) Katja got the boys up for us in the morning so we could leisurely make our way downstairs.

Gavin and Brian were a sight for sore eyes. I snuck down into the kitchen with my camera and could hear them playing in the playroom out of sight. I crouched down and went "Psst!" "Psst!" and soon I heard back Brian's little "Psst!" "Psst!" so I did it again and I think it registered. I heard a little voice say, "Mom?" and then I saw this...

...and I left the camera running to squeeze them some more...

We're so happy to be home. Even though we were barely gone, this experience made us feel like we'd been gone forever. I missed the boys a lot (as usual).

Although I'm a little concerned that leaving them with Miss Katja was a bad idea. This is the lovely lunch she made for Brian - fettucini with Basil.

The pressure!! Even Brian pointed it out - as if to say, "See this? This green fancy leafy thing? You better step it up, lady."

Great.

Ed and I went out to the MOBBED grocery store this afternoon to prepare for this storm. I hope wherever you are - especially if you're in the path of this hurricane - that you stay safe.

Filled With Pride...

Today was an amazing day - for so many reasons! It will be worth it to read to the very end today as I'm saving the best news for last.

Miss Katja is celebrating her 23rd birthday tomorrow!!

All this week, Katja has had her best friend from Germany with her. Stephanie is spending her vacation visiting for Katja's birthday - which is tomorrow!! We really enjoyed having her hang out with us during the day.

We celebrated her big day this morning with cards and gifts and a homemade sign that the boys and I made! After lunch she left for the rest of the week to spend time with her friend and take a well deserved break! We love Miss Katja and wish her the happiest of birthdays!!

This morning Brian had his therapy session with Miss Christi, his teacher. They had a fun time playing with his toys, as usual, and he did a great job imitating and showing off some new pretending skills.

But it was when they moved over to the art table that I was blown away. Christi did something with him that never occurred to me. She asked him to draw an up and down line...a line across...a circle...and then a cross. Brian easily did everything but the cross - which amazed me! Check it out here:

Christi said that practicing this would be smart before he starts school. Starting off drawing lines and circles and crosses is a pre-cursor to writing letters! Am I the only goofball that didn't think of this? I love the things I learn from these wonderful therapists.

Not to be outdone, Gavin had an incredible day himself. He spent some time outside while Brian was in therapy. Katja and Stephanie took him for a walk and then he walked in his KidWalk up and down the driveway.

After his afternoon nap, Miss Stephanie arrived for Occupational Therapy. She always starts off Gavin's session with some sensory work. She massages him with lotion, a brush and a vibrating massager. She also uses the vibrating toothbrush and the Nuk brush in his mouth. At one point, while Gavin was laying on his back in front of her, he confidently reached up and grabbed his toothbrush from her hands...and then proceeded to get it into his mouth all by himself!! Neither of us could believe it. Check out this amazing video...

He did it again with his vibrating spoon.

When they moved over to the art table, I told Stephanie how well he's been doing with the Spin and Draw. She put the marker in his left hand - he spun with his right hand - and Miss Stephanie smiled from ear to ear. She was so impressed!

Then she had him pick up blocks and drop them into the bucket of beans. Again, she was amazed. She can't get over the sudden increase in Gavin's fine motor skills! He was picking things up one after the other - faster than we could keep up!!

Something has happened to our Superhero. Something amazing. I can see the confidence in his eyes...and the pride. He is beginning to realize, I think, that he can do much more than he thought. I'm so lucky to be able to watch him grow and discover. I'm filled with pride, too.

Tomorrow will be a very special - and very important - entry. I hope you'll come back to visit.