The last week has had its ups and downs at my house. More ups, so don't worry.
This was Sunday night - before Daddy left for a business trip until Thursday!! They were playing "Angry Bird Star Wars Pirates." Yeah... I have no idea. But they were having fun!
Lucky for us, Ed doesn't have to travel too often. But when he does, it's hard! Not hard because of the kids (and now, just Brian) - because he works all day anyway and is home at dinnertime. It's hard because I miss him! And Brian misses him, too. Ed face-timed us from his phone every night before Brian went to bed... which was a big treat. Thank God for technology.
But this week, Brian had a hard time. I could tell by his behavior, which is usually consistently happy and pleasant, that something was up. He was getting easily frustrated... tearful... and acting a little "fresh" here and there. I was quick to assume that it must be about Gavin and all the changes in our family - but you never want to think you have anyone "figured out" before they have the chance to express their emotions to you.
So we spent a lot of time in Gavin's room this week - playing and reading. Brian's new favorite thing to do is to stack up all of his stuffed angry birds and stuffed animals and pillows (he has quite a collection!) against the net that zips closed.
Then I have to unzip just a sliver so he can crawl out... and he unzips the rest...
...to create an AVALANCHE!!!!!!!!
He loves this game. Mommy? Not so much. Getting my pregnant self up and down from the floor so I can help him get everything back in the bed is not easy these days!! But seriously... how could I resist this smile??
One day, while sitting in Gavin's room, Brian got frustrated when something wasn't going his way and got a little teary. I finally said to him, "Brian... why do you think you're crying so much lately? You can tell Mommy if something is making you sad or mad!"
And that was the moment. He burst into tears and cried, "I just really miss Gavin!!!"
It breaks my heart, but I'm glad he got it out. The next day was our weekly visit to see Dr. Trish - and the timing was perfect. I didn't tell her anything about what happened, yet after the session she told me she picked up a lot of emotion in Brian's energy - especially panic. She was able to clear it out (she's so, unbelievably gifted) and the rest of this week Brian has been a new kid.
One of his favorite things to do right now is vacuum. If he sees a single crumb, he gets the vacuum and sweeps the floor all on his own. He actually does a great job, too!!
This week we were "Booed" by THREE anonymous neighbors!! Each time the doorbell would ring and we'd open the door to see a treat bag on the porch with no one in sight. I didn't quite catch on the first night that once you are "Booed," you are to hang a sign in your window so everyone knows... and then "Boo" two other neighbors who haven't had anyone come to their house yet.
The second night, we were "Booed" within a half hour of each other. I was looking for tape to hang the sign in the window when I got the first gift - only to hear the doorbell again with the THIRD! I never did find that tape.
Brian was asleep when they arrived, but was SO excited the next morning when he found out that gifts had been left for him! You'd have thought it was Christmas!!!
And whoever the neighbors were that "Booed" us - they made it so personal for Brian. There were Star Wars stickers...
...pencils (his new obsession!) and a Mickey Mouse pencil cup. And, of course, he loved the candy (which he very rarely gets so it's a big treat!) and the stickers! Thank you to my mystery neighbors!!! It was so much fun to watch Brian open and enjoy these gifts!!
Brian and I had fun "Booing" two neighbors last night! This was Brian outside of the first house - right before he rang the doorbell. If you're wondering - ringing and running is no cake walk when you're seven months pregnant. I handled the ringing part - but the running away? Not so slick. And it's very possible I accidentally peed on their lawn. Too much information?
This morning was Brian's second to last T-Ball game. He has missed a couple games - due to rain or other plans - and next week he will miss a game because of a birthday AND Halloween party!! He's got quite the social life!
It was pretty chilly (finally!) this morning, which is why he has the sweatshirt over his uniform. Brian has come a long way since the first day of T-Ball! He really got into it and enjoyed it very much. We're so proud of him!!
The best news of the week came today. Today I hit the 30 week mark of my pregnancy, which makes me feel like I can breathe. Well - not literally breathe. Breathing doesn't come easy these days - especially after a trip up the stairs... or running from people's houses. What I *mean* is - it's a big relief to hit the 30 week mark. Hope is still very active (just like Brian was when I was pregnant with him!), which is extremely comforting to me. It's estimated she weighs about three pounds now and, if she is born on target, she could be about seven pounds! Nesting has officially begun for me - although I don't have a whole lot to do. Most of the equipment has been set up and airing out for over a month. I just need to finish decorating her nursery, wash clothes and blankets and sheets and burp cloths, organize and find homes for all the things from Gavin's funeral that still live in my dining room (an item typically NOT on a mother-to-be's "nesting list") and get everything lined up for the hospital. On my list might include re-scheduling Santa Claus because, as of right now, my scheduled C-Section is set for Christmas Eve. I was very upset about that - but I've decided that I'm not going to panic. Historically, I've always had my babies before their scheduled dates. I'm just going to pray that this happens with Hope. Obviously, as far as we're concerned, she can be born any day!! And obviously, we don't care where we are over Christmas. But it's not just about us. We have legitimate concern for Brian. I certainly don't want him to be without his Mommy and new sister on his first Christmas without Gavin. (And I'd hate for Ed to miss out on being at the hospital to spend time with us) Brian deserves a happy Christmas with his family. He's already dealing with enough. (I don't need advice or a pep talk about this at all - I promise. We'll work it out and make it work and spin it positive... we always do.)
All of us are dealing with a lot.
I've said it before - and I'll say it forever... you'll never know (unless you do know!) how challenging it is to be a grieving mother at the same exact time you're an expecting mother. It's a roller coaster.
