What a Whirlwind...

Well, it has been a long and busy week. The last few weeks have been, actually! Our home is officially "on the market." We worked very hard to get it "ready to show" and I have come to one important conclusion: we should all live in a constant state of being "ready to show." Our house has never been this organized, simplified and clean!! We filled up a storage unit with large items (like the big playground we had in the living room) and extra clutter and I came to another important conclusion: it's nice to have less stuff. 

The storage unit was KEY to making this process easier. We called "PODS" which is the more well known name, but I was shocked by their high prices and received rude customer service and a quote that differed greatly from the initial one for no reason. So I called a company called "Zippy Shell" and it has been a wonderful experience so far. They are MUCH cheaper, have WONDERFUL customer service, are EASY to work with and they're FRIENDLY people. This is a completely unsolicited review - I highly recommend Zippy Shell!! 

It was fun for Brian to play around in the empty locker before we filled it.

Actually, the kids were the first things we stored!  Just kidding.

The first thing we stored was the dresser that we use to hold all the cards, extra programs, mementos, fundraising letters...all the things that have come in since Gavin's death. Don't worry - we still have all that stuff in boxes under a bed and we'll move it all in our car. The dresser was stored empty.

Before we knew it - thanks to our friend, Paul, who came over to help Ed with the heavy stuff - it was packed solid!! Once we move, we'll give Zippy Shell a call and they'll deliver the truck with our storage locker to our new driveway so we can unload it into our new home. We have Paul on speed dial for that. (ha ha!)

Oh, I'm sorry - did you miss the memo? We're moving! Want to buy a house? We have been in our current home for the last 13 years and we love it here. We love our home and we adore our neighborhood. But it's time for a fresh start and new surroundings - and that's the main reason we're moving. 

If you or someone you know is looking to move to Chester County, PA and need a 4 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath...

with a big yard...

 on a beautiful tree lined street...

call the number on the sign below...

or contact me and I'll get you the information you need or put you in touch with our realtor!! I won't be posting the link with our address here. 

I would love it if one of my readers bought our house!

So many other things have been going on... where to begin!

Today is our eleventh wedding anniversary! 

I'm so happy to be married to Ed Leong. 

Most couples (if you believe statistics that float out there) would have broken up over just ONE of the challenges we've faced. We've made it through my alcoholism and recovery (He might tell you that the recovery was worse than my actual drinking. It takes a while to get back to normal-ish!),

 We've made it through multiple miscarriages, infertility and fertility treatments, having a special needs child, losing a daughter, losing a son and my medical issues.

At this point, we feel invincible! Eleven feels like a special number to me. I'm so excited to go into this next year of marriage in a new home with a fresh start with this wonderful man. I chose well. I  mean, he didn't marry a slouch or anything - but I think I chose really, really well.

A big growth spurt snuck up on us recently! Ed recently measured Brian in the doorway and he grew an inch in three months!! We had to buy new pants because it's not really time for "capri pants" yet. We want him to be on point, fashion wise and keep with the season's trends and all. It's not capri time, yet. Or something like that. Basically - we bought him longer pants is what I'm trying to say. I should have known his body was hard at work because he was always "starving, Mom. I'm starrrrvvviiinnnggggg." And he would lose half of his snacks to his sister, the other starving child in the house.

Yesterday I was able to go in to Brian's classroom as a "special visitor" and it was quite an experience. I had planned to go in earlier in the year, but I had to cancel because we were constantly sick this winter. All year I have unloaded elaborate crafts from Brian's backpack or heard about the "awesome" experiences that he had with the other parents that went in for their special visits. I am far from a "Pinterest Mom," so I was a little nervous. I settled on bringing in a movie (Veggie Tales: "Celery Night Fever") for the kids to watch in the classroom and treated them to popcorn and bottles of water. There was a misunderstanding between Brian's teacher and me - no fault of hers. I was so foggy this week. She told me to come in at 2 for the movie day (which I sent in ahead of time). Since dismissal is 2:45 - and the movie was 45 minutes long - I figured there was no time to do anything "extra" like a craft or a book. So I showed up a little bit early (thank God) to discover that she had already started the movie and it was almost over. Cue the panic. I had NOTHING planned and 45 minutes to fill. I thought about doing some stand up, but I always screw up the punch lines or combine two different jokes and, come to think of it - most of my jokes aren't for the Kindergarten crowd. So there I was - standing in the office staring at the secretary with wide eyes - what in the world was I going to do?!?!? Brian was going to be so disappointed that his Mom showed up with nothing fun! I was about to cry. The secretary quickly said, "Nope - no crying! We'll fix this!" She quickly looked up coloring pages to match the movie and printed out two for each child. Just like that. When I went up to Brian's classroom, the kids were fully engrossed in the movie and didn't even see me sneak in. When it was over I improvised with questions about the movie, handed out the coloring pages and then walked around talking to the kids about their coloring, summer plans and starting First Grade. As I left the building I stopped to thank the secretary who really saved me - BIG TIME!! On the way home, I took Brian to Dunkin Donuts for a surprise treat. When we got home, Brian and I collapsed on the couch with a book and he said, "Mom? Your special visit was my favorite one of the whole year." This kid knows just what to say.

It was very emotional for me to see him in his classroom. Anytime I see my children in their own element, I get emotional. I felt that way when I would see Gavin in his classroom, too. Watching Brian sit at his little table with his friends (including the girl named Marie he sits next to and wants to marry some day because "she's so nice, Mom, and she's really fun and she is a great colorer") just melts my heart. And I love hearing that he's a nice boy and well behaved when he's out in the world and not being watched by his parents. Brian is such a special kid. I feel so lucky!!

Last weekend we went away overnight to a hotel. We thought we would get in some fun and relaxation before the madness of "house showings" began.

 The kids LOVE going to hotels. This hotel has an amazing buffet with lots of fun things to try and a huge selection of desserts... we get to stay up late and rent a movie... I got to fit in a massage and a haircut... and we spent time in the indoor pool, which was a lot of fun.

Hope always has a blast exploring and people watching. 

By the end of the day she is happy to go to sleep!

This week has also been pretty dreadful for me. I am going through a bad flare of my Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia - all at once. Every single joint - even joints I didn't know existed - are painful and swollen. My brain is foggy, my skin feels sunburned and painful to the touch and my back is killing me. Other than that, I'm doing great! I haven't gone on any arthritis medications yet and I've been doing well avoiding them since my diagnosis in 2009. This is the longest and worst flare I've had since the first when it began - it's lasted all week and has made it very difficult to function. You never realize how hard it is to pull out the tape on a disposable diaper until you have R.A. - trust me. I'm headed to our acupuncturist this afternoon in the hopes she can offer some relief, even temporary. In the past, I've been able to go into remission seeing our Dr. Trish regularly. But with Hope, that's pretty impossible. Now that summer is approaching I think I'll rely more on babysitters and mother's helpers since school is out for them. I really don't like feeling this way - it's a very out of control feeling. There's nothing I can do but continue to stay positive and function and do my best to be present in every way for the kids. Brian is very sensitive and aware of my difficulties during times like this and becomes extra helpful and sweet. If he asks me to do something and I really can't - like play on the floor, for example - we come up with an alternative activity. He's very understanding. And all this week he has asked me how I'm feeling each morning at breakfast. When I answer with "Oh, buddy - I'm still feeling pretty achy." he instructs me to sit down and he starts rubbing my back!!  "You can tell me when you want me to stop," he says. Brian's backrubs can't cure my RA or autoimmune issues, but they sure do boost my mood!!

I'll be back to myself soon. And even if my body doesn't get better - my mind and spirit will adjust so it doesn't consume my life! Ain't nobody got time for that.

Mother's Day Anniversary...

Today was Mother's Day! 

We had four sets of plans for today. The first and maybe most important part of the plan was for me to sleep in. Done. The second part of the plan was to continue cramming things into our storage unit in preparation of listing our house for sale...organizing and cleaning the house all while chasing Hope and playing Star Wars and listening to Minecraft stories and chasing Hope some more. Done, done and done. The third part of the plan was to visit with Granny at her place and have a nice, peaceful lunch which meant that Daddy was in charge of feeding, chasing and other chaos. Done!

But you know plans! They change and force us to go with the flow.

I did sleep in - but I really can't sleep in anymore. My eyes are now programmed to automatically pop open at 6:45. And, unfortunately my Rheumatoid Arthritis makes it really hard to lay in bed all morning. The longer I am still - the stiffer my joints get. This morning when I got out of bed at 9, I instantly regretted it. My fingers were three times their size and I felt like the "tin woman" until well past lunchtime. Boy, I sound like a complaining 90 year old, don't I? Let's move on to something lighter....

How about we talk about the overwhelming stress of getting 13 years of life organized and hidden and staged and cleaned and placed "just so" so we can sell our house? Actually, Ed and I have been on fire - working into the night - getting our house in order. We filled a storage unit with big things - like the huge playground we had in our living room, the toy kitchen, extra pieces of furniture that were taking up space - and little things that were just in the way. The best part is that we've been going through everything and realizing that we don't need a lot of it! Neither of us want to move things to the new house that we don't need or want. The experience has been really cathartic! We are so excited for this next chapter of our family's love story. Please say a prayer (or two!) that someone will fall in love with this house the way we did and want to move in soon! We have enjoyed many happy years here.

The most peaceful part of the day was having lunch with my Mom, my sister Bean and her husband Jim - and my triplet nieces and nephew, Shannon, Brendan and Claire. 

Brian and Hope had a great time seeing everyone! 

The fourth part of our plan was to honor Darcy's "birth" day. It was five years ago on this day that Darcy was delivered after 5 1/2 days in the hospital laboring. 

I am sure there was a very good reason that her journey was so short and my labor to meet her was so long - and one day I will understand it all. 

This evening, before dinner, the kids and I went for a walk around the block. As we walked up the driveway I noticed that Darcy's pink cherry blossom tree had lost it's blooms. Earlier in the week it had been full of pink flowers - full of life!

And today - on the anniversary of her birth into Heaven, the flowers were scattered on the Earth and the tree was left barren of blooms.

 As we walked down the street away from the house, I told Brian how the cherry blossom tree symbolized Darcy's short life to me. How the tree gives us these beautiful pink flowers each May to remind us of her life. And how the flowers quickly fall - reminding us that her life was so short. But the tree remains to remind us that her soul is still alive in our hearts. She'll never leave us.

"Just like Gavin, too, right?" he asked.

"Just like Gavin, too." I replied.

I went on to tell him how excited I was that our new home is surrounded by cherry blossom trees. There's one outside the kitchen window... there's one near the driveway... and there's even one right outside our new front door.

"Do you think God planted those trees there for us?" said my wise little boy.

"I think maybe he did, Brian. And I think it's called destiny."

Happy Mother's Day.

Close As Our Own Backyard...

"How many children do you have?"

It's the question I love.  It's the question I dread.  Most of the time I just say, "I have four!" and hope they leave it at that.  But they usually don't.  There are some that want more information, as I would.  Boys, girls?  How old are they? Do they all get along?  I take a deep breath - knowing that this could be the conversation ender right here...

"I have four, but two are in Heaven."

Silence.  Gasp.  Then comes the I'm sorrys and the awkward comments and wide eyes that scream "get me out of this conversation!!!"

No one likes to talk about death.  It's just the truth.  But where does that leave the Mom who wants to talk about the life of their child?  I love to tell people that I got to hold Darcy for 5 1/2 hours on Mother's Day.  My first Mother's Day as a Mom of a daughter.  I love to talk about Gavin, as you know, and tell people how incredible he was.  But death has a way of becoming a big road block.  That's unfortunate.

I also love talking about my two children that are here on Earth!  

Brian is getting sweeter and smarter and cooler every day.  This past Friday night was a planned "Mother/Son" event hosted by his school.  Nearly all the boys and their Moms were going to a baseball game about an hour away.  Now, I really don't care for baseball (or any sports!) but I didn't tell Brian that!  I bought the tickets and told him how excited I was.  The day before the big game, we realized that rain was in the forecast.  That was it for Brian.  He decided that it didn't sound like much fun at all to sit in the rain.  He also wasn't keen on the long drive - or the late night.  As a reminder, he is six.  Not seventy six.  Moving on...

We decided that we should come up with a "Plan B."  Brian's "Plan B" was for the two of us to go to the Movie Tavern and then to Arnold's Family Fun Center! So that is just what we did.  We had dinner and warm brownies at the Movie Tavern and saw "Home" (which we don't recommend)...

...and then we went to Arnold's!  We had a blast.  We played Skee Ball and Air Hockey.  Brian won the jackpot on a video game...

... and we played Black Light Miniature Golf!  He definitely gets his golf skills from his Daddy.

We laughed and laughed that night.  On the way out of Arnold's Brian said, "Hey Mom!  Get me dancing on video!"  He really plays a mean air guitar.

The night wasn't what we had planned, but we definitely got the "Mother/Son" part just right.

Brian is such a great brother to Hope.  As she gets bigger and more active, they get closer and closer.  She loves to watch for his bus on school days.  Now that the weather is getting warmer, we are outside a lot.  The other day, she wandered around on the driveway and her head would pop up every time she heard something that sounded like a bus.  She just couldn't wait for him to come home!

 

Then finally... the big moment!  She RAN up the driveway to greet him.

It's hard to believe that Hope is 16 months.  Not just because 16 months flew by too fast... but because of all she does for her age!!  This little one is so confident and daring.  It's equal parts awesome and terrifying!  Inside - with hundreds of options in the playroom - she chooses to climb.  She'll climb on the coffee table - on the couch.  She'll climb on any chair she can find and pull out and she always has a cute, mischievous grin when she does it.

It's pretty difficult to get anything accomplished when she's awake, so when I do - even something simple - I feel like Wonder Woman!!  But typically I have a solution when she's awake and I need to do things.  It looks a little bit like this...

...and a lot like this:  

I am a Mom of four.  Two on Earth and two in Heaven.

Some days, Heaven doesn't seem that far away.

Some days... it's as close as our own backyard.