Chasing Rainbows: nighttime

Thursday, January 2, 2014

In The Moonlight...

I feel his presence the most in the dark of night. As I sit in bed and stare at her beautiful face, illuminated by the moon streaming in through my window - it's as if I'm looking at him once again.

In those moments, it's just the three of us. I know he's there. In every whispered promise to her... in every pat or stroke of the hair... in every hush.

I spend these precious, sleepless moments quietly telling her who I am - who he was - and promising her I will love who she will become. I tell her how happy we are that she's here. How she was a wonderful heavenly surprise.

As the hours tick by and the rest of the house is asleep, I beg the sun to delay rising. Because it's in the dark when I feel him the most. And I know when the sun rises... and the day begins... he will go.

So I use this time to feel connected to my daughter and my son. I whisper stories about him... tell her how much he loves her... and I softly sing the lullabies that I once sung to him in the moonlight.

I would lay with Gavin and sing one song in particular over and over... as if it was "our song." The words had meaning then... and still do. A radio station in Gavin's hospital room happened to play this song while he lay dying - like a gift to me from above.

So now, I whisper the song softly to Hope in the dark of night until I hear her breathing slow and her body relax. Somehow, the words mean even more.

But everything means more in the moonlight. So I once again beg the sun to wait a while. Just a little while more. And as I wipe my tear from my little girl's cheek, I thank God for the promise of hope.

never thought that in a million years

never thought that you would come to me

you're the answers to a million prayers.

you're the apple of my eye.

i can hear you breathing next to me.

just how lucky can one person be?

i am looking at a mystery

everything i dream, more than i can wish for.

starlight starbright, all day all night

i will be right next to you.

here forever, i will never leave, i will never leave.

baby you're my little ray of light

i could find you in the darkest nights

if you cry then i will hold you tight

never letting go, i would do that for you.

starlight starbright, all day all night

i will be right next to you.

here forever, i will never leave, i will never leave.

baby i am here

starlight starbright, all day all night

i will be right next to you.

here forever, i will never leave, i will never leave.

Gavin's Playground Project

Gavin's Playground Project was born from my desire to see an "All Abilities" playground built at Nemours/A.I. duPont Hospital for Children in Wilmington, Delaware. This is the hospital where Gavin spent a lot of time during his life... and where he ultimately died, surrounded by friendly and familiar faces. To mark the one year anniversary of his death, I held a fundraiser on April 5, 2014. You can read all about it in THIS post.

We raised a LOT of money, but not enough for a playground! If you would like to contribute to help make this playground a reality - so no kids will ever have to sit on the sidelines watching their peers play - you can contribute directly to the hospital through the Chasing Rainbows fundraising page HERE. Your donation will go directly to the hospital for the playground and is tax deductible. You can also create your own fundraising team page and start collecting donations in honor of anyone you want!! There is also a mailing address on their page if you prefer to mail a check. Designate your contribution in memory of Gavin Leong - or write in that this is for the playground so your dollars will go to the right place. Thank you for your support of Gavin's Playground Project!

Gavin's Trust Project

I created "Gavin's Trust Project" to help support Gavin's friends who receive services from the Chester County Intermediate Unit in Pennsylvania. I wanted to continue to try to "make the impossible... possible" for kids like Gavin, knowing well how hard it can be to get much needed "special needs" items. It makes me happy to know that even after his death, Gavin continues to help others. Click HERE to learn more about the Trust Project! All of your donations, big and small, will be added to Gavin's Trust Project to help therapists and teachers get what they need for children in this program. You can write a check made out to CCIU and mail it to: Chester County Intermediate Unit, c/o Deb Hiller, 455 Boot Rd., Downingtown, PA 19335. Please be sure to add "Gavin's Trust Project" in the memo. Thank you on behalf of me and my little superhero!