In The Moonlight...

I feel his presence the most in the dark of night.  As I sit in bed and stare at her beautiful face, illuminated by the moon streaming in through my window - it's as if I'm looking at him once again.

In those moments, it's just the three of us.  I know he's there.  In every whispered promise to her... in every pat or stroke of the hair... in every hush.

I spend these precious, sleepless moments quietly telling her who I am - who he was - and promising her I will love who she will become.  I tell her how happy we are that she's here.  How she was a wonderful heavenly surprise.

As the hours tick by and the rest of the house is asleep, I beg the sun to delay rising.  Because it's in the dark when I feel him the most.  And I know when the sun rises... and the day begins... he will go.

So I use this time to feel connected to my daughter and my son.  I whisper stories about him... tell her how much he loves her... and I softly sing the lullabies that I once sung to him in the moonlight.

 I would lay with Gavin and sing one song in particular over and over... as if it was "our song."  The words had meaning then... and still do.  A radio station in Gavin's hospital room happened to play this song while he lay dying - like a gift to me from above.

So now, I whisper the song softly to Hope in the dark of night until I hear her breathing slow and her body relax.  Somehow, the words mean even more.

But everything means more in the moonlight.  So I once again beg the sun to wait a while.  Just a little while more.  And as I wipe my tear from my little girl's cheek, I thank God for the promise of hope.

never thought that in a million years

never thought that you would come to me 

you're the answers to a million prayers.

you're the apple of my eye.

i can hear you breathing next to me.

just how lucky can one person be?

i am looking at a mystery

everything i dream, more than i can wish for. 

starlight starbright, all day all night

i will be right next to you.

here forever, i will never leave, i will never leave.

baby you're my little ray of light

i could find you in the darkest nights

if you cry then i will hold you tight

never letting go, i would do that for you. 

starlight starbright, all day all night

i will be right next to you.

here forever, i will never leave, i will never leave.

baby i am here

baby i am here

starlight starbright, all day all night

i will be right next to you.

here forever, i will never leave, i will never leave.