The Night Before Disney...

We had a nice time with Ed's cousin, Glenn, this past weekend.  He was a welcome distraction - especially for Brian.  Let's just say that Glenn has a LOT more energy than Mommy and Daddy who tend to sleepwalk through Brian's "Watch this!  Play with this!  Let's do this!  Come look at this!" all day long.  Glenn went to the top of the favorite person list for bringing a water balloon kit, a wiffle ball and a bat.

We discovered two things during that day.  Water balloons are a long set up for a short splat!  And... we are still on the fence about Brian being left handed or right!  He colors with both, writes his name with his right, throws with both and bats left handed.  I guess time will tell!

Over the weekend, we also bought Brian a new bike!  He has a new obsession with Lightning McQueen from the movie, Cars, so it wasn't a big surprise when he chose that bike.  Although, I have a gut feeling we were sold the wrong size.  Did I mention that we are often sleepwalking?

I raised the seat after this photo, but to me it still seems a tad bit small.

This type of bike takes some getting used to - Brian gets frustrated when he pushes back and brakes.  On his tricycle when he pushes back on the pedals, he actually goes backwards.  But he's been practicing and getting better and better!

The bike came with cute little cones, so we set up obstacle courses that he has to ride through!

I may, just for fun, sit some eggs on the top and ask him to park between two egg-topped cones.  (Sorry, I can never resist a Brady Bunch reference.)

Last night I had a garage moment.  I woke up around 2am in panic mode.  I hopped out of bed and came downstairs to have a major panic attack.  Then, after it passed, I spent the next hour in the garage bawling my eyes out.  The garage is nice for two things, I've discovered - throwing boxes and breaking into the ugly, loud sobs that are protected between walls and doors.  You can really let yourself go in a garage.  I highly recommend it.  So why the panic?  Well... you would think it was nerves for this morning's ultrasound.  But it wasn't.  Suddenly I was feeling pangs of guilt about our Disney World Trip.  We should have gone with Gavin.  Maybe it's too soon to go after Gavin's death.  Maybe we shouldn't go at all since Gavin isn't here.  We couldn't wait to take him to Disney.  We know he would have loved everything - the rides, the music, the shows.  I just lost it - bit time- through the middle of the night and had a hard time going back to bed.

It breaks my heart to go without him.  One of my favorite things to do with Gavin was take him on rides.  He was so happy and daring!

I often wondered if the rides gave him a feeling of freedom - of weightlessness - of independence.  I suppose I could comfort myself by remembering he experiences ALL of those things now.  For that, I am happy.  For him.

If I'm being honest, though, it sure sucks for me.  It's so hard to believe it's been SIX weeks since he died.  The entire thing is still so, very shocking and unbelievable.

But here we are... the night before our first trip to Disney World.  Today, right after lunch, we sat Brian down to tell him.  Ed, Miss Sara and I were eagerly anticipating this moment and his reaction.  He didn't disappoint!!  Watch...

We've been talking about Disney a lot lately... watching Disney movies, talking about characters, saying how cool it would be if we saw the Disney Castle... so I guess we shouldn't have been surprised when he guessed where we were going!  

We got some more great news about our little Project Hope this morning.  Miss Sara came along for her first glimpse of her Godchild and the baby really put on a show.  Everything looks wonderful, thank God.  Check out Project Hope's dance moves!!

After this appointment, I feel a lot less stressed about flying to Disney World.  I plan to do a lot of sitting, a lot of water drinking, and a lot of ice cream eating while we're there.  The ice cream eating is doctor's orders.  I also have a set appointment for my genetic blood test at the University of Pennsylvania on June 10th.  They said I should know in less than a week if this is a boy or a girl!  Place your bets now!  

My next four blog posts will be written from Disney World!!!  It will be a mixture of happy and sad, for sure.  But we know, as always, that Gavin will be right there with us in sprit. And I know he would want nothing less than for us to make wonderful memories with his beloved little brother.  We can do that, Gavin.  Promise.