The other day I got a message from a Mom who lost a child. I get messages like this more often than I care to say - there are just too many Moms in this awful club. This Mom was not sure she could get through Mother's Day after losing her little one.
I get it. I really do.
Sometimes I'm not sure what I'm going to write - in a message or even in this journal - until my fingers stop moving on the keyboard and I read it back. So I put my head down and started to type and when I lifted my head and read what I wrote - it was a little "ah ha" moment even for me.
I wrote...
"It's difficult every day - not just Mother's Day. But that's just it, isn't it? If you can get up, put your feet on the floor, hug, kiss and play with your other children, laugh and cry and find something to smile about any other day...then don't let the fact that one day is 'Mother's Day' trip you up. Because every day we are mothers."
Don't let the day trip you up.
Holidays can be hard because the day comes with expectations. On Mother's Day it is implied that you will "bask in the glow" of motherhood. But what happens if you're grieving? Or trying so hard to become a Mother and it's just not happening month after month after year after year? What happens if you expect to be treated one way and your family treats you their way and you're left disappointed? Or you lost your own Mom and are feeling the loss more than ever?
Don't let the day trip you up.
It's the way I treat the anniversaries of Darcy and Gavin's deaths. I make it a special day - but I refuse to make it a somber day. I don't miss them less or feel any better or worse the day before the anniversary...or the day after, so I won't force myself to feel differently just because the calendar says so.
So if your Mother's Day forecast looks gloomy, try putting on another pair of glasses. Remember, too, that's it's always okay to ask for what you want or need.
Thinking of all my fellow Moms, women praying to be Moms and grieving Moms on Mother's Day - and every day. Don't let the day trip you up. We'll all get through it with grace - and humor!! Like this gem from Brian - he thinks his Mom is 32!! Now THAT is funny.
Wow! As always a wonderful, thought provoking and most of all truthful post. Kate I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are a truly amazing woman with a huge gift and I, and so many others around the world, am beyond gratful that you've shared your wonderful family with us all, and allowed us all to love your family from caring bridge to here and I know that I am a far better person because of you. Happy Mother's Day to everyone, except us in the UK who celebrate Mother's Day in March xo
ReplyDeleteBeautifully stated, as always. And the last line of Brian's paper brought tears to my eyes. That's all that matters, isn't it?
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