Remembering Gavin...

Brian announced today that he wanted to sleep in his brother's bed tonight.  My heart skipped a beat.  Actually, my heart has been skipping many beats and pounding hard and fast and feeling like it's going to explode out of my chest twenty four hours a day... but that's my constant anxiety.  

I digress...

So, tonight after his bath, Brian and I started the difficult task of transporting all of his Angry Birds... and his "guys"... and his special blue blanket that matched Gavin's hospital blanket... and his Penguin that illuminates stars on the ceiling and he lovingly placed them in his brother's bed.  He even asked for the special pillow case that he got to pick out in Gavin's hospital room to cover his pillow.

Ed and I sat on either side of him, as we've done since we came home from the hospital, and I read him a very special book.  Brian's teacher (that I could explain with about 100 adjectives like amazing and kind...) adapted the book "Remembering Crystal" by Sebastian Loth into "Remembering Gavin."

We have read it, on Brian's request, every night.  Somehow I am able to get through it each time... even while hearing Ed sniffling on the other side.  

 What Laura did for us - and for Brian - is indescribable.  I believe this book is helping Brian process that Gavin is really gone.  File her gift idea in the back of your mind.  If someone in your life loses a child and leaves behind a young sibling, THIS is what you should send them.  This gift means so much to us.  I was so determined to share it with all of you that it took me FOUR takes before I could do it without crying...

After the book was over and we were about to cover him with his special "Gavin blankie," he suddenly remembered that he forgot one important thing in his room.  The heart that hangs from the "invisible string" on his closet door.  He ran to his room... brought it back... hung it on Gavin's closet door... and our hearts skipped a beat again as we heard him say, "Good night Gavin," as he gently tugged the string. 

 Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  Managing Brian's grief is our biggest priority - but navigating our grief at the same time can be very challenging.