He Was Our Greatest Gift Of Life...

Today was a very special day.

Very, very special.

We honored Gavin during his birthday month by helping organ donor recipients and their families at the Gift of Life Family House in Philadelphia.  I have written about the Family House several times and Ed, Brian and I went there in June for a tour and to choose a guest room to be dedicated to Gavin.  You can read about that HERE.

But today we were going there to be "Home Cook Heroes" and to deliver a car load filled with items from the "Wish List Drive" I held in my neighborhood this month.

Thanks to my wonderful Sunwood Farm neighbors for dropping off items for the Family House pantry, laundry room, kitchen and more to our home over this month.  We also received gift cards and donations totaling over $1,175!  My Mom, my sister, Bean and her family, Miss Sara and her parents also contributed to the drive and we were so grateful to deliver so many items in honor of Gavin's birthday.

When we first walked in, we were greeted by Gavin's plaque on their entry way wall.  Thanks to the enormous amount of donations that came in from our "In Lieu Of Flowers" request before Gavin's funeral... and the extremely generous donations from Ed's friends and former co-workers at Accenture, we were able to write our own plaque as a permanent dedication to our sweet boy.  It took our breath away to see it there.

Ed and I are so, so grateful to a local business owner, Claire Guarino, who runs (the most brilliant business idea ever) Home Cooked in Paoli, PA.  Claire came with her husband, Paul, and their little boy, Ian!

Home Cooked is where you can purchase already prepared home cooked meals - you can order ahead with any specifications you want (gluten free - I don't like garlic - I have allergies, etc.) and stock your freezer with meals for the month.  It's a great gift for newlyweds, new parents, or your older parents who are impossible to buy Christmas presents for.  (My family did that for my parents and it was a huge hit one year!!)  We purchased a weeks worth of pre-made meals when we went to the beach for a week.  It was great to not have to go to the grocery store at the shore - or spend a ton of money going out to eat several times.  You can also pop into Home Cooked on a whim and choose from their "grab and go" case.  I've heard that some women throw away their "Home Cooked" containers and receipts and never tell their husband that they didn't make dinner.  I've never done that.  Trust me.  Ed would NEVER believe me.  If you live in my area, definitely visit Home Cooked - and tell Claire that Gavin sent you!  Or, if you know someone who lives near me - you could purchase a gift card for them over the phone!  (Can you tell I love this business??)  

Thanks so much to Claire for generously donating and prepping the food for this evening.  She was so organized and quickly set up stations so we could all help assemble and prepare for dinner and dessert.

We called ourselves "Team Super G" and had a blue theme, of course.  Gavin looked best in blue.  We all wore blue shirts... and our Super G pins.

Except Brian - who wore his "Super G" shirt - and his awesome "Super G" Nikes.

My sister, Bean (Gavin's Godmother!) and our nephew, Brendan worked on the Brocolli Slaw...

Our brother in law, Jim, was constantly busy in the kitchen - but I caught him cutting out cards to help the guests identify what the foods were on the buffet when I snapped this...

Miss Sara and Granny worked on the desserts...

...and our nieces Claire and Shannon iced the brownie bites!

Everyone worked so hard and it all came together beautifully.

I had some anxiety going into this event.  Worried that I would become too emotional... (I didn't)... or that I would make any of the recipients or their families feel uncomfortable in any way since this was done in memory of my little boy who was a donor... (that didn't happen, either!).  None of my fears were realized and I actually had a couple really lovely conversations.  

I was so happy, too, that my family could get a tour of the Family House - including Gavin's guest room which was vacant!  The plaque outside the guest room made us feel so special.  And my family agreed that we chose the perfect room to honor Gavin.  It has a view of the Ben Franklin Bridge - which is blue and is lit up at night.  Gavin would have loved that.  It also has a view of the garden below which has hydrangeas... butterfly bushes... and trickling fountains.  Gavin would have loved that, too.  And on the same floor - just a couple doors down - is their blue "Serenity Room" which has a trickling fountain and is very zen like... perfect for our little Buddha baby.

Tonight meant so much to us.  Ed and I were so touched that everyone gave up their afternoon... devoted their time... their resources and their hearts to make this happen.  

Thank you, Team Super G!!

And to Gavin... our Superhero.  The fact that you were an organ donor makes us so proud - and brings us such comfort.  But your legacy, truly, is the way your story is touching people - and inspiring them to become organ donors.  Even encouraging them to start having conversations about organ donation before they are in the midst of a tragedy.  Maybe your kidneys saved one man's life... but what you've done since could possibly save hundreds, if not more.  I know, with all of my heart, that this had to be part of your mission on Earth.

Superhero Gavin, off to save lives... even still.  But the first lives he saved were his Mommy and Daddy's.

You will always be OUR greatest gift of life.

Painfully Perfect...

The last few days we have been in Ocean City, New Jersey.  I feel so lucky that my sisters came down with their families this weekend to spend time with us.  We parked ourselves on the beach right near "Gavin's Pier."  Watching Brian play with the pier in the background - knowing that this is one of his brother's final resting places - was both painful... and perfect.

My nephew, David, spent HOURS building sand castles and playing games with Brian.  He set the bar high for when he leaves to go back to New Hampshire!!  (I am just too pale for hours of beach play!)  David told me later, "I was just construction - Brian was the engineer."  

As much as I was so, so happy to be with my family... I actually felt sick to my stomach thinking of Gavin by that pier and being on the beach without him.  Many times I had to choke back tears.  You just never know what to expect with grief.  Ironically... it comes in waves.  But watching my nieces and nephews play made it a little easier.  I really do have such a great family.

Saturday night we all headed to the boardwalk.

My beautiful Mother is here with us...

...and she is such a proud and doting Granny.

Brian was SO excited - he LOVES the boardwalk as much as his big brother did.

And he REALLY loved hanging out with his boy cousins who completely showered him with attention!!

Our first stop was to see Gavin's fire truck and, as expected, it was a very emotional experience.  I actually had to walk away afterward.  We should all be standing behind the fence cheering as we watch Gavin and Brian riding together.... not piling in for a memorial shot.  It was painful, yet perfect, to have everyone assemble for this photo.

Last year, Brian had me go with him into this obstacle course - and it was not easy!  Climbing ropes, sliding down small chute slides... there was no way my pregnant self was braving it this year.  So, YAY for cousins!!  They were thrilled to go with him...

...and Brian was thrilled to lead the way like a big shot!

I even went on a few rides.  The swings with my Goddaughter, Shannon, was the highlight of the night for me!!

It was a fun - and a very late! - night.  We didn't get Brian in bed until after 11pm which is unheard of!!  But he hung in there all night and had so much fun.

We went back last night for some more fun - and I noticed that Brian is getting braver and braver.  The two of us went on this crazy tugboat ride together and the entire time he giggled and exclaimed, "This is the best ride ever!"  We had to do it two times in a row!  I think Gavin must have left Brian some of his adventurous spirit.

Today, we say goodbye to my sisters and brothers in law and their families.  I am so grateful that they spent this weekend with us - it  meant so much to me.  We will be here with my Mom for a few more days... having fun, making memories and remembering Gavin.

Life is messy... and perfect... and beautiful... and painful.  One day the ocean can be calm and peaceful - the next it can be rough and choppy.  The tides can be high... or low... you just have to hold on and ride the waves.  And never forget that even when the storms hit - you're strong enough to come out on the other side.  Maybe a little tattered... maybe slightly broken... but still standing.

Life is painfully perfect.

Grateful Distractions...

The Royal Baby Arrived!!!!!

At least in my town it did!  On Friday I had the nicest visit from this little Princess...

Miss Sarah Renee Harmdierks was born on July 11th to our good friends, Melissa and Drew.  It was really wild to have a little tiny infant in my house - and my arms - again.  She is beautiful.  Brian was a little nervous and asked me later, "Mama?  Why was baby Sarah crying?  Maybe she wanted one of my toys."  All I could think was... get used to that!  Both the crying - and a little sister wanting to play with your toys!

Saturday evening the three of us (I hate writing that) went to my brother and sister-in-law's house for a birthday party!  My twin nephews, Tommy and Aidan turned nine - and they share their birthday with their Dad!

Being in their house was a little tough for me.  Last time I was at Gavin's Godfather's house was Christmas.  Brian was sick so I went with Gavin and it was such a special night for us.

Gavin had a lot of fun with his little cousin, Isabella, that night...

...so it did make me smile to see Brian and Bella having a great time yesterday.  I'm sure Gavin was there laughing right along with them as they mischievously ran through the automatic lawn sprinklers in their clothes!!

Lucky for me, Brian has older cousins that gave him a new outfit for the rest of the night.

Brian had such a great time - and we didn't get him to bed until ten o'clock which is SO late for him!  I'm not sure who was more exhausted, to be honest - him or me.  Crying at night makes for tough days sometimes.  And that's what I've been doing all weekend.  I am just really missing my little boy so much.  Which is why I was so grateful for the fun distractions this weekend.

Like today!

Granny treated me and the triplets - Shannon, Brendan and Claire - to a show in Philadelphia!

We took the train into the city and went to see Wicked - one of my favorite musicals! 

I cried most of the way through it - and bawled during the curtain call.  This is pretty normal for me when I see musicals.  I can't help myself.  But today it was also an excuse to cry some more about Gavin.  And hearing the song that always makes me think of him definitely put me over the edge.  (Sorry to those around me at the theater!)

Here is the song, "For Good," sung by my two favorites - Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel.  Listen to the words and tell me this isn't the perfect song about Gavin...

After I dropped everyone off, I stalled coming home tonight.  I couldn't hold it together and was hoping I could arrive home after Brian was safely tucked in bed.  I ended up driving to the Kindergarten Center.  Gavin was set to begin Kindergarten there on August 26th.  I should be shopping for new clothes for my big Kindergartener and maybe even a new lunchbox.  Instead I am shopping for brand new baby things all over again.  My life feels upside down, joyful and at times, very confusing.  I sat in my car and cried and cried.  

It is truly amazing how your life can turn on a dime.  I'm doing my best to balance myself on that dime - and sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't.  But it's all part of the process, I guess.  I just take every day - every emotion - every up and every down as it comes.

And sometimes I look for, long for and am grateful for those distractions.  Like coming home to a wide awake Brian who wanted me to tuck him in.  Despite it all, I remain one very lucky and grateful Mommy.