That's Just How I Am...

We had a bit of a scare yesterday with Gavin.  He loves to shake his sippy cup, which we are trying to discourage as he ends up spraying milk all over the place.  So a month or so ago we gave him a little water jug with a handle to play with and shake while he's drinking.  It's a plastic water bottle with a pull up spout.  He loves to shake it to watch the water slosh around.  Gavin is fascinated...mesmerized...in love with water.  It definitely solved the spraying milk problem and all was well.

Until yesterday.

I was sitting right next to him and we had just finished a meal.  Gavin was drinking his milk and shaking his water jug when suddenly he put his head down on the table.  He wouldn't let me lift him up to look at him... and then he started to cry.  The kind of cry that tells me something is very wrong.  I picked him up and carried him to the floor and I realized what happened.

My worst fear.

Gavin poked himself in the eye.  

I could see the white of his eye turning red and I yelled for Ed.  If you are new and don't know why I would freak about something like this... read THIS entry for an explanation.  Gavin had a corneal abrasion over a year ago that was so severe that he nearly lost his eye.  I am very over-protective about his eyes.  It doesn't help that this little boy sleeps with his eyes open, so he's especially vulnerable at night.  To this day, we put eye lubricant in before he goes to bed - just to keep his eyes moist while he's sleeping.  As a side note, he inherited this odd feature from his Daddy.  When Ed and I got married and were sharing the same bed, I remember talking and talking to him for hours as we laid there.  I thought, "Gosh, he is the BEST listener!!"  And then.... I figured out the truth.  

Anyway... I nearly took Gavin to see his eye doctor at duPont yesterday for an emergency visit.  But he calmed himself down and was fine for the rest of the day.  But today, Sara reported that he was fussy at school.  And when he came home, he was just "off."  When dinner time rolled around and I saw his eye getting red again, I called the hospital.  If it's still looking bad tomorrow and he's still acting "off" they want me to bring him in.  You can see what looks like a fine hair or a fuzzy stuck to his eyeball and you want him to blink it out - but I think that's actually a scratch.  The doctor said it should heal on its own and to keep it lubricated like we have been, but boy am I getting post traumatic stress just thinking about this again.  What we went through with his eye trauma before was no joke.  We had to put ointment in his eye every two hours around the clock... at times it was sutured shut with a shoelace stitch, so I had to unlace it to put the ointment in and then lace it back up... need I say more?  It was awful.

So I panicked yesterday.  I didn't show it - but I was panicking.  That's just how I am.  Can you blame me?

I got a question from a reader about the "Mercury Theory."  She wanted to know if I really, truly felt that all of Gavin's issues stem from mercury and if I am a little bit 'cuckoo' for talking to a medium and having Gavin take supplements.

Fair question.

So, yes.  I am a bit cuckoo.  I think, in fairness, that's already been established over and over.  Like... every day.  I'm 42 and I excessively use puffy hearts on facebook status updates and comments.  I can't help myself... because, like I said, I'm cuckoo.

But, as far as the mercury... no.  I don't believe that this is the sole reason for Gavin's issues.  Do I believe that it's part of it?  Yes.  I absolutely do - and I look forward to seeing changes in him as I combine the slow detox with his sessions with Dr. Trish.  I believe it because I've experienced mercury issues in my own body.  I was mysteriously ill - had my mercury fillings removed - I got better.  I know there's something to it.  But I don't believe that it explains everything for Gavin.  However, using the supplements - especially the very small amount - and making changes to his diet is something that won't hurt Gavin.  Ed and I have always maintained that we will be open and willing to try anything to help our sweet boy as long as it doesn't harm him in any way.  I will still be taking him for further testing and I am counting down the months (and years) until he's eligible to get into the Undiagnosed Diseases Program at the NIH.  

Yes.  Cuckoo.  I am overprotective of... and over the moon for... and overwhelmingly determined to help Gavin.

That's just how I am.

**p.s. - if you're wondering the outcome of the Parents Magazine Blog Competition, I did not win.  The "Best Blog" was "Single Dad Laughing" and it was well deserved!  I absolutely feel like the winner, though. The amount of exposure and help I've received because of that competition is something I probably couldn't have done on my own. Thank you to all who voted for me!  It meant so much to have your support and validation.**