I'm not a detail person. Well, let me rephrase that. I'm not a detail person when it comes to remembering them. I wish I was.
When it comes to milestones, though? I don't care about my bad memory. Actually - I find it refreshing.
Yesterday I put Hope on her belly (which she loves, loves, loves!) and Brian and I were playing with her.
"She's getting so strong, Brian! Look how she can hold herself up," I said.
"You're so strong, Hopi! Do you remember when I did that, Mommy?" he asked.
"I do!" I replied. And this photo instantly popped into my mind. But for the life of me, I couldn't remember how old he was when he was holding himself up on his belly. And I didn't care.
I decided to try to re-create the photo with Hope.
I learned a thousand lessons from Gavin during his short life. But one of the most important ones was not to get hung up on comparisons... or worrying... or charts... or timelines... or expectations.
It was freeing. A gift. Once Brian was born I approached him with a clean slate. He showed me what he could do and I celebrated him. And I'm doing the same with Hope.
She is showing us how very special and unique she is every day. She has a sweet personality and such an easy smile.
Believe it or not - she has been consistently sleeping through the night all week! I won't bank on this being forever, so I'm enjoying it in the now. She has been putting herself to bed anytime between 7 and 8pm and waking up around 7 or 8am!
I really don't check books or charts to see when she's supposed to be achieving things like rolling over or grabbing things, etc. I prefer to watch her. Observe her. Two of my favorite pastimes.
I never want to impose my needs or project my expectations on my children's lives. That's what a therapist is for. (Or a blog. Ha!) I want them to always feel confident to show us who they are... and know that we will love them.
If anyone was going to teach me to be a parent - I'm glad it was Gavin. He paved the way for his brother and sister to have a Mommy who refuses to get hung up.
Thank you forever, Gavin.
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Please don't forget to get your tickets to Gavin's Playground Project if you're planning on attending on April 5th! The "early bird" tickets are only available until March 30th and then they go up to $50 each! For all the details about the event - even for those who aren't coming, follow this link...
It is always the first one that does this for us moms, isn't it? They are the ones that give us our title, after all. I will always always remember those first days in the hospital with both my children, but there was something so very special about the first. I was changed. Forever. Never to be the same person I was before. I prayed and begged for my babies for as long as I can remember. I was blessed with getting pregnant easily and without the trauma of miscarriage. I will always be grateful for that as I don't know where I would find the strength that you and so many other mommies and daddies have found in letting go of a child. I remember so clearly that first night in the hospital. My husband had gone home, the hallway was quiet, the darkness had fallen, I was in pain from my c-section. But none of that mattered. In my arms I held this beautiful, precious little girl that was a part of me. I was absolutely terrified. What was I thinking?? I can't do this. I can't be mom! There was no turning back now and I was beside myself as she fussed and cried and struggled to nurse effectively. It was in that moment that I felt God's presence more than ever before. This is your gift, He reminded me. You have waited for this for most of your life. Here it is! It was probably the most surreal moment of my whole life. She depended on me. Relied on me. When in reality, I was the one being schooled. I was the one learning, from her! She taught me so much through those early years and paved the way for her brother to have a more laid back mommy. I truly believe she knows how much she taught me and that's why at 8 years old she claims to "know more than us"!! LOL. Here's to those precious first born children...we don't love them more, but each child holds a different place in your heart as they are each their own person. We love them differently. We relate to them differently. We cherish their role differently. What a huge role Gavin filled for you. Nobody will ever fill those shoes, in your heart. I'm completely certain of that. However, the mark that he left was so much bigger than anything even you can imagine or realize. The impact of his life was just so big. What a special special little man. He will forever be missed and cherished. I look forward to meeting him in Heaven...though I'm certain I will have to get in line as I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeleteJust love these beautiful faces! Good job Hopiwogalina!
ReplyDeleteSo Awesome, Brian and Hope are so lucky to have had a brother Like Gavin pave the way for them. My heart busted when i saw the photo's! Thanks for posting about this, I find myself getting hung up too often. your blog helps me thru the bad days. :)
ReplyDeleteI love that Hope is doing this without tears...my youngest is very disgruntled about being placed on his tummy (him and Hope are only a few weeks apart in age), and while he has started to do this he cries and cries and cries. But loves to "stand" and "sit"
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