Nosedive...

It can hit you when you least expect it.  Grief, I mean.  Tonight is one of those times.

I should feel exhilarated!  The tickets are flying for "Gavin's Playground Project" and today I got amazing news about silent auction items that have the potential to REALLY help a special needs family or two.  (More will be revealed at a later date)

But tonight - I just can't stop crying.

I miss my Dad.  He would be so proud of this.  Proud of me.  And he'd be in awe that so many people are championing this very worthy cause with us.  I would have loved to have bounced some ideas off of him - he always had great ideas.  And he always had encouraging words for me.  No matter what.  If you think I'm a positive person... my Dad was me times a thousand.

I miss my son.  This project is helping me feel like I'm still "doing" for Gavin - which is very important to me.  I have had moments during this planning process where I've kicked myself for not fighting for a more accessible playground while he was alive.  Nevertheless, I hope he is happy with me for doing it now.  For all children.

I have been so busy - and when it's time to take off my planning hat and put on my Mommy one, I'm still busy in my ever-spinning mind.  I look a wreck on most days.

Tonight, putting Brian to bed, he could tell that I was upset.  He sat and stared into my eyes for a bit before he said out of the blue...

"This is what I do when I miss Pop," he said as he put his hands over his eyes.  I couldn't believe my ears.  It was like he read my mind!  "So if you miss your Dad, you can do that too Mommy!"

At that point, my eyes welled up.  "That's a good idea, Brian.  Because I AM missing my Dad."

"And Gavin, too.  Right?" he said.

"And Gavin, too, buddy."

So tonight calls for some box throwing in the garage.

And tomorrow - Mommy is getting a love bomb day.

I will be taking my handsome son on a date.  We're going to the Movie Tavern to get waited on while we watch the Lego Movie!  Then - who knows!  I'm up for anything.  Brian and I need some one on one time - just the two of us.

Tonight I took a nosedive.  But don't worry... I was a flight attendant.  I realize it's time to put on my oxygen mask.  I'll be back to myself in no time.

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If you missed the link to purchase tickets to Gavin's Playground Project or register for the silent auction (which does not require purchasing a ticket) - click HERE!

Or, if you'd like to donate straight to the hospital, click HERE and choose "Abilities Playground" in the donor designation section.