Mini-Breakthrough!...

Another big day today! This time for both Gavin AND Brian!

Brian had his speech therapy with Miss Jen and she was very impressed with his progress.

Since last week we were to work on saying and/or signing "help", which he mastered. He also started saying "choo choo" and "beep beep" (it may not sound quite like it should, but it's intentional!) And he's been stringing things together - mostly in signs - like "more please" or "milk please".

One thing Brian does that Miss Jen pointed out was overuse the word "Wow!" For example, when you're reading a book with him - he'll point to a picture and say Wow over and over again until YOU say what the picture is. It's so cute so we have inadvertently encouraged him to keep doing it. (It really sounds cute when he says it!!) So she told us this week to try to ignore the "Wow" factor - and hold out so he'll have the chance to say the word himself. Or at least try.

He also did some great imitating! As they read a book, Jen did some actions and sounds - and Brian surprised me by trying to mimic them. Take a look!

Not to be outdone, Gavin was a star in HIS speech therapy today! He and Miss Maggie worked with the iPad. It's been very challenging to get Gavin to consistently use any type of communication device. With the Proloquo2Go App I downloaded onto my iPad, we have one whole page with "Book". Gavin needs to touch the page, which has a picture of a book, in order to get a book read to him. Usually he tries to "turn" the iPad - thinking it's a page in a book - and he gets frustrated. Or he tries to just move it out of the way to get to his books. It's hard to know if he's made any type of connection that the iPad is a vehicle to get him what he wants.

But today - for a few seconds - we may have witnessed a mini-breakthrough. It took my breath away. The iPad was in Miss Maggie's lap while she was reading Gavin a book. Apparently, it was a book that wasn't interesting to him. We watched as he looked at the book he wanted across the table - and then looked at the iPad - then looked at the book he wanted - and then looked at the iPad.

It. Was. Awesome.

Here's a video of the second time he glanced over at the iPad - it was definitely an intentional way to communicate with us!!

I'm so proud of both of my boys!!

So...about yesterday's post. I was bombarded with personal emails, facebook messages, and comments on this blog from so many of you. Some of you I never "met" - you came out of the shadows after reading my journal for years. I love meeting lurkers!!! And some of you I do "know", but never knew your story. It's amazing how many have gone through the IVF process. I'm grateful for all the advice, information, personal experiences, encouragement...I got it all. Who knows what will happen - if we'll go that route next month or not. But because of all of your emails, last night I went to bed feeling a little more hopeful.

And then I dreamed - all night - about my daughter. I woke up this morning thinking about Darcy. I suddenly felt angry - and cheated. I thought of a friend in Australia that reads this journal and thought my blog name was in reference to getting pregnant - that I was "chasing my rainbow baby". (You can read the real story behind my choice for a blog title in my very first post). Part of me thinks she's right - that I am chasing a baby. And this morning I was wondering if I'll be running forever. Then I went to the bookstore. I'm hunting for a book that celebrates going from a crib to a big boy bed. I'm particular - I do NOT want the silly ones that show the child scared of things under the bed or not wanting to go to bed - why would they want to put ideas like that in a child's head??? I think I need to WRITE that book. But anyway, while I was down on my knees looking at the bottom shelf - I came across this book and I started to cry...

In that moment, I had my own mini-breakthrough.

I DO have an angel. Who can say that? And to me, angels mean "hope". And "hope" is something that I can't lose. But man, it would be so much easier if life didn't have to be so hard sometimes.